is this a godkin experience.
i guess i'm a little confused because i don't really believe that i actually am a god, or that i was one or will be one. i just feel like i'm supposed to be a god. i tend to get rather dysphoric about it, about my inability to do things i feel like i should be able to do. my fictotype is a god. i have a hard time having conversations about him because i tend to get envious and sad just thinking about how i'll never truly have his life or experience those things (psychological fictionkin). i hate hearing about my powers because i know i don't have them. someone was saying something about how they headcanoned me as being able to conceptualize huge numbers, and even infinity because of my god mind. it made me feel really sad that i couldn't. plus, getting called "lord" and playing certain games makes me feel kind of euphoric. :P
now i know most people aren't wanting to die someday, and everyone wishes they had cool powers. it just feels different than the usual "man that'd be cool if i could do that". it's always this deep sadness and longing. it's a feeling like i've had something taken from me.
i know nobody can tell me what i am. i was just curious if other godkins have this experience or something similar, and if it's possible to be godkin if you don't think you are currently a god, but feel dysphoric because you aren't one