u/ethereal-shit

Thank you for clicking! Because I find the usual "Pokémon Card" format used by these posts to be reductive, this one might be longer than usual in the hopes of making it informative and engaging.

I am 29 years old, was born and raised in Lahore before I moved to a major metropolitan city on the US East Coast to pursue my PhD in the Humanities. After a few long and short term relationships in my early twenties, I've been a single pringle for many years, so I thought I'd try this out since I am in Pakistan this year. It's also just fun to ragebait those who will be ragebaited reading this. 

Friends and strangers alike would describe me as a shy and quiet personality, especially in big gatherings. Although, you would not recognize the initial me you experienced once I get comfortable. A difficult childhood has made me extremely ambitious and hardworking. It also made me a slow, careful, and methodical thinker who likes working by himself. I was also the annoying kid in your class who asked too many questions, did not stop, and in fact made a wholeass career out of it. Put another way, I am curious and very high on seeking novel experiences. But novelty for me looks less like parties and drugs, and more like people and ideas which are counter to mine. For instance, in the US, a white supremacist is waaaayy more interesting to me than the more familiar Indians in my city who I have more in common with. In the same sense, I seldom identify with the right, but you will also find me criticizing the left. Unfortunately, because I am also a sensitive baby, I will often go into existential crises because of people's harkatein/views I willingly expose myself to.

I would've liked to describe myself as an avid reader and writer a couple of years ago but now that's just well...work for me. Beyond this, one of my biggest hobbies is hiking. I am currently training for serious mountaineering too. Found out the hard way that despite being 5' 9" and relatively lean I suck even for a beginner.😒 In the next few years, I hope to add to my list of mountain passes traversed and maybe one day summit a 7000m peak. Recently, I have gotten into rock climbing and running to work towards that goal. I also swim when I can find a pool, but otherwise just workout regularly. Oh, I also want to get better at claywork and pottery and spend more time volunteering for the environment. 

On what I am looking for in a partner: I don't care how old you are or how many partners you've had or how many times you've been divorced. My only ask is that my partner and I remain child free, and that religion have no role to play in my life. I have been in therapy for many years on and off because I believe in accountability and improvement as a wee little human with limited capacity, so I would expect my partner to also have fucked up, learned, and improved in some way. In fact, it's weird if you haven't. Many women around us also have a palpable shame around their own sexuality and body--and this is a major reason I hesitate to post this here--but a serious romantic relationship would be difficult for me if that were the case with my partner. Hell, I have even had a significant amount directed at me as a man. I am physically active and generally am careful with my health so I hope that my partner at least takes her health seriously if not have an active lifestyle. I want to be able to regularly go up to the mountains, travel the world, and later grow old with her! On travelling, the process for my United States Green Card is underway, and I might even have to move to Europe for my post-doc and beyond, so there could be a lot of moving around every few years. On the other hand, if she wants to pursue her career and have me follow her across the globe, happy to do that too as soon as I figure out another line of work. 😂 Lastly, I will circle back to my curiosity and openness to experience. Someone who is generally tolerant of ideas and people that differ from their own is one of the most important things in a partner to me. I have also been around enough intolerant, angry adults to know that someone who cannot control their anger and be civil during a conflict is an immediate no for me. If she is the calm, collected type, that would be an added bonus.

Dealbreakers

1. Being "family oriented." By this I don't mean my partner should not have a good relationship with her family, but that I don't think the relationship could work if she’s big on a desi extended family.
2. Lack of ambition
3. Difficulties with anger management
4. Wanting kids
5. Not wanting to wait at least 2-3 years before marriage. Many people get into serious relationships without "stress testing" their relationships under the various scenarios that life will throw at them. Nor can you understand a person in a fixed six or twelve month deadline that people seem to arbitrarily make up in our culture.

I don't expect anyone to be checking off the entire "list". My dealbreakers are the only dealbreakers, so pls dm if you think you could work with even 80% of the rest. :)