u/eugenia7373sol

Hello. So, I posted here, I think, three weeks ago, and I ask you to read this https://www.reddit.com/r/sspx/s/sZqszSKLhT post to understand my situation.

So three weeks have passed. I tried to contact SSPX in Saint-Petersburg. No answer. I tried to contact it through Moscow and Belarus. In Moscow--no answer, the email to Belarus for some reason couldn't be sent.

I tried to find some information about SSPX for three weeks now, but found none.

Plus, a few day after I had posted for the first time, Una Voce in Russia said, that due to relocation of the priest celebrating the Mass in a Diocesan parish, there won't be any TLM in Saint-Petersburg at all for some time.

Today I decided just to go to the place, where the Chapel must be located according to the most recent sources, but there is no chapel. I waited for half an hour, but yhere were no people coming. I even went inside, but it is a simple house, there seems to be no sign of a church/chapel.

I literally don't know what to do. A few days ago I found out there is an Eastern Catholic parish in the city, and it gave a little bit of hope. But the problem is I am in my heart Traditional (!) Latin, not Eastern Catholic. Plus I don't know anything about Eastern Catholic liturgy (to be fair I don't much about this parish too; as I understand it is located a floor under a Roman church). And I feel uncomfortable about the thing, that I will have to change rite (if I become an Eastern) in the future to become officially Latin.

I don't how to act. It scares me much that I am not baptised. Because Extra Ecclesiam nulla salus. Every day it sucks being unbaptised. But I don't know what I have to do.

I prayed to God about this, and though I know that He heareth, I don't feel like He does.

Thanks in advance.

Laudetur Iesus Christus!

So, it's going to be a very long post, but I ask to read it carefully.

And sorry if I make mistakes, English isn't my native language.

I am a teenage girl (13 years old) living in Saint-Petersburg, Russia. My parents were baptised in adulthood as Russian Orthodox, and my older brothers were baptised after their birth. I, for some reason, was not. They never really were practicing Christians, though they have some sort of 'cultural' Christian understanding of the world.

Until 9 years old I never really questioned myself about religion, and therefore didn't think about some bad (very) actions of mine as about something evil and horrible.

But at the age of 9 something life-changing happened--the conflict (war) between Ukraine and Russia. It was just shocking for me to realise that my country is in a huge conflict, with war actions, with another country. And somehow I started to ask myself whether my actions are good, am I a good person.

A bit more than half a year after that my family decided to emigrate to Israel because of worrying things in the country (Russia). My great grandmother was Jewish, and it gave us the right to emigrate and to get Israeli citizenship.

And when I entered Israel, I felt very much like a stranger, because in the opposite of other children-emigrants I knew very and very little about Jewish culture. I didn't even know what Hanukkah was.

But you know, though the majority of Israel's population are not orthodox jews, they are still believing, and celebrating Pesach and Tanakh's lessons at school are necessary. So by the end of my first year there I knew the story of Exodus well, and by the end of the second very well.

And somehow, being stressful because of living in a new country, and at the same time seeing many religious people around me, I believed in God. I didn't really know whether I was trying to follow Christianity or Judaism, but I believed in God and accepted Him into my life. I didn't pray, but would frequently ask Him about something.

When I was almost 11 yo I read the Lord of the Rings and I really liked this book AND the author himself. I started reading JRR Tolkien's biography, and of course the point that he was a very devout Christian, a Catholic made me think: " He was a very good man (otherwise he couldn't write such a book) and he was a Catholic. It means something".

Then we returned to Russia, partly because of the ongoing war in Israel. And there I went to the Classical Gymnasium, which teaches Latin from the first year and Ancient Greek from the third.

At the same time I understood that I want to be Christian and to follow Jesus Christ. I can't really explain that in another way.

In the beginning of my second year at the Gymnasium I decided that I should read the Bible, and since I wanted to read a Catholic Bible, I thought that I will read it in English, but not in Russian. And, guess what, I picked Douay-Rheims)))

In October 2025 I got to the point that I wanted to hear the true Latin. I was reading the texts from the student book, but I wished to hear the true beauty of the language, and one day I was just scrolling through YouTube and saw a video 'Anima Christi'. And I decided to listen to it. And I did. And it was just extremely beautiful, deep... It brought me to tears. And that day I understood I need to be baptised...

On the 30th of November I went to my first Mass. I actually wanted to go to Mass in Latin ( I did know about the distinctions between TLM and NO, but these are NO), but they were only on Mondays in one of the churches, and on the last Friday of the month in the other, and I didn't have information about other churches of the city.

It was a completely new experience for me, I'd never been to a liturgy before. And the experience was nice; though sadly it was in the vernacular, it was with pipe organ, incense and bells.

Then throughout the months of December to May I attended the church once a month, and some Masses were really beautiful, especially Easter Sunday, but I always felt there is something I don't get from the liturgy. In the beginning I thought I needed Latin and Gregorian Chant all the time and not one hymn a Sunday, which is usually not every Sunday chant, like Gloria or Kyrie or Credo. But now I don't believe it's the only thing.

And now the most important point--in April I knew about Missa Tridentina. I discovered that there is TLM and Latin NO. Discovered some of the differences between Vetus ordo and Novus ordo.

All the June I was reading about that. For a great time I sympathised with a Latin NO, because I watched a few livestreams of it from England's churches and really liked it. But at the same time I always felt TLM is the truest, and highest, and the most beautiful form of worship.

Then July came. And only in the last days of June/ the first days of July I knew about the SSPX . I mean, I'd heard about it before, but I didn't know its difference from Ecclesia Dei communities. In the beginning, to be honest, I was against SSPX and more for Ecclesia Dei, especially ICRSS.

After that, I don't really know why, I had a short period for a few days of doubting whether Catholicism or Orthodoxy is true. But after a week of anxiety concerning this matter I listened to Gregorian Chant Kyrie and after that everything went steadily again...

... Till the end of August/beginning of September.

By that time I finally finished reading the Bible, I learnt to pray the Rosary in Latin and learnt a few more prayers. But again a great doubt of Catholicism vs. Orthodoxy came. I never really wanted to be an Orthodox Christian, but after reading some bad things happened/happening in the Catholic Church ...

But I still managed to go with Catholicism in my mind. Even more I went to the church I usually attend and asked to begin RCIA. The priest agreed, and asked to come the next Saturday vigil, and said he will give the paper for my parents to sign (because I'm a minor). When I came the next Saturday evening, I didn't receive the paper, but it was because another priest was celebrating the Mass.

But the peak of the anxiety about the doubt happened between these two Vigils. I just couldn't bear it anymore. And I asked God to help me make the decision. And He answered. With the SSPX. In the evening I just without a reason started searching SSPX, and understood that I agree with it 100% on everything. The idea of SSPX brought me so much peace and comfort. I've been looking into it for 1.5 weeks and I feel that it is THE place I would like to attend. I need it. I would like to be baptised in a SSPX Catholic chapel...

But there is a problem. There is no SSPX chapels in Saint - Petersburg. There is no TLM in Saint - Petersburg. There is in Moscow, but its impossible for me to go there.

And I don't know what to do. Whether to go tomorrow evening to the Mass at the church I was asking for RCIA, and begin the RCIA there, or not. I basically have a day to decide. I really don't know.

I need to be baptised. But I need TLM to be close to God.

Please, if you have some advice, share it. And forgive me fo the length of the post.

Pax et bonum.