I trusted a fart on a 12-hour flight. Worst decision of my life.
I had a 12-hour red-eye ahead of me, so naturally I made the brilliant decision to eat a huge meal right before boarding.
The closest option to my gate was Taco Bell. I grabbed a couple of quesadillas, and they were so greasy they practically needed their own warning label.
About two hours into the flight, my stomach started making some seriously questionable noises. I figured it was just gas from all the cheese.
I’ve never used an airplane bathroom for anything serious, and I definitely wasn’t planning to start that night.
Then my stomach went from “a little gas” to “something is very, very wrong.”
Both passengers beside me were asleep.
So I thought, Okay… just let it out quietly.
Big mistake.
It wasn't a fart.
I immediately knew what had happened.
I woke up the guy beside me, jumped out of my seat, and started waddling toward the bathroom while desperately trying to act like everything was completely normal.
It wasn't.
I was leaving behind a smell that could probably have been classified as a biological weapon.
Then I saw the worst possible thing:
A mother and her young kid were standing in line for the bathroom.
The mom caught one whiff, looked at me, looked at her kid, and immediately abandoned the line.
I swear she practically sprinted back to her seat.
A few minutes later, a flight attendant came over and quietly escorted me to the first-class bathroom.
At that point, I was beyond embarrassed.
I had to change my clothes and sit there for the rest of the flight knowing that at least a few strangers would forever remember me as “that guy.”
12 hours in the air.
One Taco Bell meal.
One trusted fart.
Never again.