I am fucking ANGRY
I just woke up to the both of my parents SCREAMING at each other with both claiming physical abuse, and I am sick of discounting this as two people trying. They do not deserve the benefit of the doubt, neither of them. They never have but that is plainly clear now.
I’m sick and tired of dealing with this shit. I am a 20yo college student home for Summer break and I cannot stand being home with my parents. These people are not rational people. They are both extremely immature, extremely volatile, and extremely stubborn. They had me at 19yo and I think thats just where their brains became static.
My mother is bad. She constantly jumps to belittling and name calling my father after any little slight he does wrong (she has OCD so anything can seemingly just be wrong to her). She is not open for help and hasn’t been interested in medication (medication that my dad previously shamed her for being on and forced her to get off). There’s so many things I can say about her but I can barely sort through all my thoughts. She is extremely good at putting on a lovely face for the people not so deep in her life, but she is truly a scary individual who menaces around the house all day. She loves kids and can’t live without a damn kid around but seemingly does not love her own kids enough to remove from years of psychological and emotional abuse.
My father, also awful. Him and I have never had a relationship besides for when I pity his ass. He does not understand what boundaries are. He consistently pushes you to your limit either by physically not leaving when told, not understanding that the conversation is NOT appreciated/wanted, and so much more I can’t even fucking think of. We had NO relationship until I became 18, and even then our relationship was me listening to his bullshit explanation and giving them both the benefit of the doubt.
The issue is not so much me, it is more the 2 kids left in this house. My closest sister (18yo) and I have an out but these kids live in the same hell we had to. I know personally from all the therapy, all the meds, all the damn people i’ve seen just how much watching all of this every single day destroys you. I don’t want that for my siblings. I didn’t want that for me growing up. It’s pretty clear even just walking into my house that it’s not a safe environment. Even the animals in this house are horribly anxious. Do you know what kind of daily outward abuse an animal needs to witness before becoming like that?
I’ve tried my hardest to be unpartisan, but I don’t believe being unpartisan is giving them both the same benefit of the doubt anymore. I believe being unpartisan means both these people should lose their kids. They should have gotten a divorce the second they left the damn courthouse. There is a plethora of shit i’m leaving out.
Sorry for the rant, I’m running off maybe 4 good hours of sleep so apologies if it’s poorly written.