Not sure what to do, Actively Dying
Hello, sorry for the typos but I’m extremely burned out. My father got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last March, and was pretty normal until January this year. In March of this year he fell, and then he rapidly declined. Went from one SNF, came home a week, fell first night again, went to another SNF for a month, came out in wheelchair and incontinent. Brought him home and again fell that same night trying to get out of bed, so got hospitalized and another SNF where he declined more. We live together and I wanted him home to care for him, so figured hospice would be the best bet for a little help. I know they are not here 24/7 but atleast I had resources, and medication delivery since it’s just me my wife and our 3 kids all under 6.
Here’s where it gets hard. He came home Friday and since then he has progressed so fast, it’s like every day is months to a year in what people have with Alzheimer’s. Friday he kind of knew where he was and talking about needs like water/food. The weekend started very vivid hallucinations, I’d check on him in bed every 30mins and he would be going off on random things or people at his bedside etc. This past Monday he stopped eating and drinking and couldn’t swallow. Tuesday he fell asleep, and has not woken up. Hospice has tried to help but really has been no help at all it feels. They tell me to give him morphine every two hours since then, which I have. Then the nurses who come in seem to all have their own procedures. Give him it every hour, give it to him in pain which he’s asleep and I can’t tell, then they say look for cues, which his face kind of flinches when I move him, but one nurse says it’s just his body and he does not feel the pain. Then one nurse says he does feel it give morphine. So it has been me and my wife since Tuesday switching off doing the meds with his body shutting down. And the terrible part is, yesterday I was running out of morphine and they ordered it STAT at 1030am and I have yet to recieve that or Ativan 24hours later as Ive nearly ran out. They ordered a fentanyl patch 2 days ago, which finally came yesterday at 4pm, and it takes 24 hours to kick in. Everyone that comes in says hours he has left, and I’ve said my goodbyes 10 times now. I’m a mortician and grew up around death my whole life, but this is totally diffrent. I’m trying my best to care for him, but hard to grieve, be a medical professional while getting terrible instructions, then when he finally passes put on my work shoes and become a funeral director for him.
Sorry for the rant, but my main question is I fell like this is not dignified. It’s been stretching for so long, I know he would not want this. I asked for a morphine drip since it’s hard to get the meds in his mouth sometimes, and maybe something stronger to let him transition pain free if he is in pain. I’m ready to call 911 for transport and have him placed in the hospital where they can give him the meds he needs. I’ve been awake since Tuesday, trying to switch out with my wife, but we have 3 kids that need us as well. So mostly been me with him. Has anyone been in my position before? Drop hospice and have them taken to hospital for care while actively dying? He wanted to be home, but if he saw himself now, the stress it’s put on his family he wouldn’t have wanted to be home. I’m type 1 diabetic and it’s getting me sick but trying to make his end of life comfortable. I feel like I failed that and I need help. It happened so quick and a holiday weekend i haven’t even been able to hire caregivers. I have no idea what to do