I think my husband doesn’t love me I’m just convenient.
I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years. I have taken care of all of my step kids needs at the drop of a hat. Every day I’m taking my step kids or our kids somewhere, It’s endless. I don’t have moments to myself with 7 kids. And I’m at the point that I think I’m just a convenience not someone he loves. Once he told someone “Talk to her about scheduling she doesn’t do anything all day.” And that hurt a lot. I do all the cooking, cleaning, take out the trash, go to every school event, schedule every doctor or dentist. I fix things around the house and sometimes mow the lawn. He works over time every week and takes care of the money “because it would be to stressful for me”. He also doesn’t want me having a job because then we couldn’t take care of all the kids needs. When he is home I do 99% of the parenting AND on top of that he wants me to “help” him with one person jobs. Today I helped with the lawn even though we have a 5 month old to take care of I had to come help because he can’t do it on his own. He wanted me to lift a large wooden board (that he put there months ago) so he could mow that spot. I did and aunts rained down all down my arms. They where everywhere my hair my legs my bra. I panicked and started frantically brushing them off as they bit me. Did he help? No he sat on the lawn mower and commented and made jokes. Oh well did he at least check on me? Of course not. I always wished one day I would be treated as someone that was delicate and precious. But Because I was never the tiny skinny girl, people forced me to do manual labor growing up it just has always been something I have had to do. But I’m just so tired. I know I should leave but my kids wouldn’t have a stable environment if I did. I don’t have a college degree or useful trade. I also genuinely just think I’m unlovable so what’s the point. I’m sorry about any misspelling or grammar issues. I’m writing this crying during a middle of the night feeding and I’m very tired.