26F married, devastated and need help!!
Urgent help. Ladies please don't skip and give me advice as a mother or a sister.
How is life after divorce? I really want to hear from women who have actually lived through it. Are you happier now, or do you still miss your husband and the life you once had together?
I have been married for only seven months, yet I already feel emotionally drained. My husband's sisters and relatives constantly insult me, mock me, and make me feel unwanted. The most painful part is that he has never truly stood up for me. I come from a financially well-off family, while he comes from a lower-middle-class background. I never cared about money. I never asked him for expensive gifts or a luxurious life. All I ever wanted was to be loved, respected, and protected by the person I married.
During one of our worst fights, when we were on the verge of separating, he questioned my character. Those words shattered me. Later, he apologized and said he only said those things because he wanted me to hate him enough to leave. But how do you erase words that completely break your heart?
I trusted him with some of the deepest wounds of my life. I told him that my father was abusive and shared the pain I had carried since childhood because I believed my husband would be the one person with whom I was safe and understood. But during another argument, he looked at me and said, "If you couldn't be your father's, how can you be mine?" I cannot describe how deeply those words hurt me. Every time we fight, he brings up my past, my trauma, and the things I shared with him in confidence. Instead of protecting my vulnerabilities, he uses them against me.
My in-laws have never accepted me or treated me with warmth. We cannot live separately because he has a home loan to repay, so every day feels like I am trapped in an environment where I don't feel respected or valued.
He is very controlling. He has never beaten me, but he has grabbed my hair, pushed me, and threatened to hit me. He says he would never actually do it, and a part of me wants to believe him, but another part of me is scared of what the future might look like.
The hardest part is that he is not cruel all the time. Sometimes he is incredibly loving, caring, affectionate, and makes me feel like everything will be okay. Those moments make me question myself. They make me wonder if I am overreacting or giving up too soon. They make it so much harder to decide what is right.
He also believes strongly in astrology. He once told me that if we separate, he will eventually marry someone else because an astrologer predicted that he would have two wives. He even said that his second wife would be very caring. Hearing that from the person I love broke something inside me. It made me feel as if I could be replaced so easily.
And yet, when I actually tried to leave after our last fight, he wouldn't let me go. He cried, begged me to stay, and held on to me as if he couldn't imagine losing me. That is what confuses me the most. One day he hurts me in ways I never thought possible, and the next day he cries because he doesn't want me to leave. I don't know which version of him is real anymore.
I feel so lost. I don't know what the right decision is anymore. I am still so young, and the thought of divorce terrifies me. I wonder if I will be able to survive on my own. I worry about society, about people's judgment, and about being alone. What if I leave and spend the rest of my life missing him? What if I regret walking away? But then I also wonder how long I can keep living like this.
If any woman has gone through something similar, please tell me honestly. Did life get better after divorce? Was the fear worse than the reality? I feel like I am standing at a crossroads, and I don't know which path will lead me to peace.