I (29NB) with (39NB) partner, am feeling confused about what relationships are
I'm a nonbinary woman in my late 20s living alone and estranged from my insanely problematic family. Currently I'm in a queer platonic relationship with my NB best friend, late 30s. During the course of our three year relationship they have discovered they are aroace and have really been growing their sense of self.
I know this sounds cliche but it feels my whole life the messaging was - step 1: fall in love and then step 2: live together happily ever after. Once I have removed the pressure of family wanting me to have a heteronormative relationship/marriage and children (only children I want are fluffy ones) I feel very off kilter in my current relationship. I love my partner and because of my romantic feelings/socialization, I do very much idealize the concept of living together and having cuddly moments on the sofa together etc. As they have had more realizations about themself, they have had more ability to express that living together doesn't have the same appeal due to needing a quiet place to retreat to and not having pressure of joint chores etc.
I do understand that you don't have to live together if you love someone but I guess I don't have any examples of this which feels a bit distressing. Does anyone have any examples or advice of living apart but still being "together'"?
Just to clarify, yes I am in therapy etc. Just looking for ways to self-reflect outside of it
tl;dr: Grew up without parents and was raised by different generation of relatives. Don't know what healthy relationships are supposed to be due to lots of divorce and bigotry in family