u/finnd00d

Six months ago my long term partner of 6 years left me as they had come out as lesbian. It then transpired the next day that they had cheated on me with a mutual friend. I was devastated. We had been together through Covid, moving houses, death of pets, huge family/ personal events and everything in between. Of course I didn’t feel like I could be angry though because, hey, can’t help who you love and what your sexuality is, right?

I think what has hurt me the most is the lack of fairness in all of this. People who I thought were my friends we congratulating them on coming out and their new relationship, even though they got together properly literally two weeks after we split up. No one from our shared friendship group came to ask me how I was doing. I had to leave the house, which in turn meant saying goodbye to my cat who I miss every single day. He doesn’t even recognise me anymore. My whole life changed whilst they seemed to come out relatively unscathed.

On top of that, to cope with the loneliness and lack of intimacy I used escorts several times. I was respectful always, and ensured that I didn’t go anywhere shady where the workers there might have been exploited. but now the sense of shame and guilt I feel is insane, not helping the fact that people who use escorts are all seen as degenerate, women-hating perverts.

Six months on, I just feel like that was it for me, and I’ll never find anyone else again, and even if I do the moment they find out what I did to cope with the loneliness and insecurity I felt, they’ll never want anything further to do with me.

I’m really trying to make the most out of this, I’ve started working out again and I’m in the best shape I’ve been in a very long time. But man, when I’m on my own and there’s nothing to distract me, I just keep analysing what happened and the wave of loneliness and self hatred starts all over again.

I really want to think that maybe one day I might be able to find someone, but the fear I have that this will happen to me again is so real and so intense that it puts me off massively.

Apologies for the rant, I just needed to get it out there in the hopes that maybe someone can relate.