I didn't drink for almost 3 weeks and I'm going insane
All I fucking do is work, exercise and read and walk my dog and think of fascinating shit like what to eat for dinner. I mean reading is fine, I do that even when I drink, and the other shit too. Life is so-so, there are problems but i don't perceive anything, nothing gets to me. I didn't drink in almost 3 weeks because I was sick and "didn't need it to have fun", or something along those lines, today I'm just irritated. I need something that puts me somewhere else mentally. What use is it to congratulate yourself every morning on another night spent being a good and reasonable bore. But I know the alternative isn't that ideal either, doesn't always live up to the expectations. Sometimes I think of my life as a prison sentence, the last 10 years or so especially. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I won't drink today but probably will in the next few days, and it really deeply bothers me, this delay. If someone walked in now offering me alcohol, I don't care who or why, I would be so happy. I'm practicing stoicism also, actually it suits me fine, for some reason in everything but alcohol I love to restrain myself as much as possible, but my willpower with alcohol is now such that I don't initiate it or drink alone, but I will respond to any opportunity where alcohol is placed in my proximity. Considering I live alone and am pretty asocial that's not a big risk, but it makes me extremly annoyed by all the potential contacts who could bring alcohol into my life but currently aren't. The saddest thing is, when I eventually do drink, I know nothing special will happen and I'll be hangover and say something stupid like "I really don't need alcohol anymore" hahahahahahahaha