u/fixer_11

Well friends, I'm off for my first maintenance ECT and really just needing to rant a bit and maybe get some well wishes from the community. I waited until I started going downhill to even schedule this one so I've been in bad shape for a few days. I've had a tough time waking up and have been on the edge of bawling since my mind seems to start thinking about the recent death of my mother as well as my wife. I tell myself it's best if I'm able to get into a better mindframe but I just can't seem to muster up any good. I hope the community off I go!

How did you decide how often you would get maintenance? I've had 12 sessions and my depression has improved. I'm trying to figure out if I should go back before I start going downhill, or simply wait until I notice myself getting worse and then quickly go back in. I truly despise the experience and often wake in an absolutely horrible frame of mind (crying and reliving the death of my wife as well as mom) and am trying like hell to make sure I only go as many times as truly needed.