u/fletcherjoness

I am due in September, baby will be the first grandchild on both sides. My husband & I have sent out visitor requests to our immediate family & close friends - they’re very standard requests as far as we’re aware but I’ll add them below for context:

- Whooping cough vax for those who wish to meet baby before she’s had her first immunisation
- Wash hands before holding baby
- No kissing baby’s head/face/hands

My mum told me she won’t be getting the vaccine. I half expected that; she didn’t get the covid vaccine & has been funny about vaccines ever since. Internally I was upset about it but I kept that to myself. We had a very calm discussion, we did not delve into the why’s & we respected each other’s decision (despite my actual feelings about it).

That was a few weeks ago, & last week I expressed some frustration to her that I hadn’t heard back from the rest of my family yet. After our call I had a feeling she would tell my dad & 2 brothers to let me know their decision re the vax, but I think she’s gone further and actually persuaded them not to get it… Tonight one of my brother’s has told me that he has “done his research” and decided not to get it. He mentioned my parents in the message, & based on what he said I’m assuming his “research” is whatever my mum has told him & I’m also assuming my dad won’t be getting the vax either although he still is yet to tell me.

My other brother has had the vaccine recently due to an injury that needed a tetanus shot, so he is covered. My husband’s family are all getting the vaccine & have 0 qualms about it.

I guess my questions are…
1. Has anyone been through something similar & can relate?
This whole thing has given me a very lonely/isolated feeling and I’m having trouble getting past it, it’s keeping me up at night!

2. Can anyone fill me in on why you’d decide not to get the vaccine?
I really feel the need to try & understand the rationale of why avoiding the vax is worth the sacrifice of not meeting your first grandchild for 2 months, and not being there to support your daughter through postpartum and the transition to motherhood.

My mum has never tried to convince me not to get vaccinated whilst pregnant or not to vaccinate my baby…surely if she was so concerned about it she would be trying to ‘educate’/warn me?! I just cannot follow the logic.

Thank you in advance for any replies! This is my first Reddit post so idk if I’m doing it right?!

EDIT: I appreciate all of your replies, I feel comforted knowing that my thoughts around this are justified & not some hormonal delusion!

To clarify a few things:
- We aren’t budging on our boundary
- My family respect the boundary: my mum thinks it’s great that we’re doing what we feel is right in order to protect our baby

The only missing piece I’m still looking for is the understanding of what they think is so bad about the vaccine that it’s worth this sacrifice… I think this thread might be too rational to get an answer to that here? 😅

I never thought I’d be saying this lmao but can anyone recommend an “anti vax for dummies” thread that will explain to me what the actual concerns are to people who choose not to get a whooping cough booster? I’m not going to change my personal views, I just so badly want to understand what information has lead them to theirs.

& to preemptively answer one more question:
- I don’t want to ask my mum directly about her reasons because I think there’s a high likelihood that conversation will be far more damaging to our relationship than clarity is worth.
- I will ask my brother his reasons but I will do it in person when my mum isn’t around, so that conversation might be on hold for quite a while.