u/flora_cocktailpie

My life turned upside down two months ago when I left my husband and I realize this will also affect my child, however, she has taken to screaming ALL THE TIME. It literally doesn’t matter what I do - hold her, talk with her, change scenery, yell back at her, ignore her, leave her in another (safe) room, feed her, change her, etc. - she literally doesn’t stop. She isn’t crying per se, she’s got no tears 90% of the time, but she wails.

I’m at my wits end, she’s making me hate her, making me hate the mother I’m becoming, making me regret having a kid at all. It’s an awful headspace and I need her to stop screaming so I can get my sanity back. Please someone tell me this will go away soon.

Four years ago my husband and I had problems, before we married, and went to therapy together. We learned things about each other and ourselves and agreed we’d work on it. We then got married and started trying for a kid immediately. It took almost three years to get pregnant, then I did, and during the end of the pregnancy I went through massive medical issues that almost (and should have) killed me. After the long healing process, as the dust settled, all the issues he had were still present.

He wasn’t attentive to me, preferred video games, would rarely have sex with me (1-5 times a month aside from when we were ttc) and would use it as a bargaining tool in arguments etc. often where if I argued with him at all I knew I wasn’t getting any. I also have a very high sex drive so this was hard for me. He would shut down emotionally a lot, often saying anything I brought up that he’d have to think about it and then wait days on end without bringing it up until I did again where he would then say I was nagging him. He wouldn’t clean the house, he wouldn’t build his business (spent almost a year not working on anything but the business and instead of actually trying to build it with social media or networking, he played video games all day, meanwhile I worked two jobs while pregnant). He did get a job eventually though but only after spending 26k of our savings on a truck (not even new, just needed a new engine etc).

He almost never took me on dates that I didn’t plan. He wasn’t overly romantic, he never seemed to really pay attention to me that way. I asked him to try harder, to do more around the house, to work his business more, to be more romantic with me, and to complete tasks he said he would (hanging a net for our kids toys, hanging shelves in the bathroom, etc that would normally take months if not years for him to do unless I did it myself).

He would step up for a little bit, a week or two, and then let it slip a bit or all the way, and I’d bring it up again because I noticed he stopped trying. This became cyclical until he assumed I was “in one of my moods” and “it will pass in a couple days”, generally assuming it was my period.

The last straw was me saying in a text (not proud of that but it’s the truth) that “I think I want a divorce”. He saw it without opening it, showed it to friends at work, then came home unassumingly and pretended he hadn’t seen it. I had a friend there to support me (she stepped out for a smoke so we could talk - he still wouldn’t talk) and she had found out from her husband about what mine had lied about.
So I packed a bag and I walked out.

When I got to my friend’s her husband’s brother was there and we got to chatting, we ended up sleeping together the next night and have been inseparable since. We’ve developed intense feelings for each other over the last month, I ended up moving in with him because I really couldn’t live anywhere else, but I think it’s accelerated the relationship.

I’m scared this is a rebound, I’m scared I’m doing something wrong even though it feels right, it feels like a new chance at a life I’ve dreamt of that I never could have achieved with my ex.

Am I in the wrong for having moved on so fast? We had known of each other previously but never really talked, only niceties said in mixed company, so this isn’t a cheating thing.