Kind of embarrassed
Somebody today commented on my body in public to their friends specifically about my big back and my flat ass.
I know, they're not desirable features but they tug at my body checking behaviors because they are my worst insecurity. I have always accumulated weight (idk if it's muscle or fat) in that upper region. It makes me look bulky, which is why I'm very picky about clothing.
The only way I could ever get rid of that feature was starving and chipping away at my muscles.
Now that I am in recovery/weight restored that has returned and I'm trying not to cry but I can't believe some people are that rude. and outspoken. probably they're just saying what some people think of me in their heads. It's a big joke online to talk about "big backs" just for enjoying food. why does eating food equal to a shape or weight? it's so cruel. I am also taking many pictures of my back, examining it.
Ignoring these thoughts are very much not simple for me as I have some OCD tendencies. However does anyone know how to not hate a specific feature of your body this much?
and please if possible no suggestions About how my weight will balance out eventually, I have always had this body patterns. thx