Post miscarriage depression
(F26)
Hello, i would like to talk with women that went through post partum depression and/or miscarriage to know what you did to feel better over time 🤍
For context, our little one decided to leave us almost two months ago (no heartbeat at 11w, stopped growing at 9w) and it's been a month or so since i took the pills to induce labor (since it was the worst pain of my life i assume it is quite similar to full term labor). It took about 2 rows of 5 pills total (bc the first obgyn was a d*** but that's a subject for another time) and the second time (3rd pill) the sack, water and foetus got out without any pain. Oh and the day before my water broke, there was no baby on the screen. Two scans in two days, the baby was gone, i guess he was hidden somewhere bc i saw him on my pad with all the water before the sack passed. I was relieved and really happy not to do a d&c but kinda traumatized.
Of course the loss and grief the first month was devastating, it was our first child. Now i see things differently and even though i wish I was 4 months pregnant right now, I know it is for the best and i'd rather have an healthy baby. I love him and I know he will always be with us.
Few weeks ago, i started to spiral.. negative self talk, no energy, extreme fatigue and feeling so lonely. I am not alone, my boyfriend is great etc but i feel like im not doing enough. I can't stand having no energy to do stuff (i work at home, candle business and a saturday'market so i am busy most of the time but not all day long).
I used to read affirmations back then and i just started again, it makes me feel better while reading them and calmer. I have a mediterranean genetic blood disorder that makes it hard for my blood cells to get enough oxygen through them so i am almost always tired/get brain fog since forever (not iron deficient) but i have a bloodwork next week to check this and vitamins.
I just started working out again like i used to, i stopped few weeks before the baby passed away, i love working out and it makes me feel a little better but i don't push myself too much to keep some energy for the rest of the day and i do daily walks (just started again too, i stopped for two weeks).
I feel alone because of all of this : the physical pain i went through, blood loss, no baby at the end of the year, the fact that i feel like i ve gained weight for nothing, my body image in the mirror doesn't suit me, i feel ashamed of my body and i havent felt that way for years.
I am at home and taking care of the house and animals + my business and my man works every morning. Even though he tells me i should rest and that i am strong for going through that, i still feel like im not good enough, not energized enough, i can't do everything i used to properly and i am sad most of the time.
I basically feel like a failure. Mentally and physically..