dont know if this is asexuality or not but im looking for advice
Hi there
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, but sex has been somewhat of an issue throughout our relationship. And now it’s starting to snowball I fear.
For some context, I have an incredibly low sex drive, while his is well… normal.
All my life I’ve kinda just been waiting for the part where sex actually lives up to all the hype and it finally clicks with me and I want to have it on a normal basis, but that hasn’t really happened. To add some background, I also have pelvic floor dysfunction, so anything penetrative is extremely painful for me.
I’m not sure if it’s the correlation of pain whenever I think of sex is the reason I’m so sex-averse, or if it’s asexuality, but this has been an issue with ALL of my partners. Maybe at the first moments in my relationships I’ve been more open to being intimate and having (non-penatrative?) sex, but after awhile any semblance of a sex drive is just completely obliterated. I just don’t see the point in it. It’s messy and a hassle and honestly it just isn’t worth all the trouble for a few moments of pleasure.
I tell my boyfriend I could go my entire life without having sex, and I would be perfectly fine. But he of course doesn’t have that perspective.
It’s frustrating. I WANT to have the desire to have sex. But it’s not there. I WANT to be able to experience this thing that everyone around me seems to swear by, but I just can’t. My partner is extremely respectful of my boundaries, which I’m grateful for. But I can see how our lack of a sex-life is waining on him, and I’m starting to feel guilty about it. It’s just such a frustrating situation and I don’t know what to do.