u/funnithrowaway072

Warning: Mentions of murder and suicide (not in detail)

A while ago I realized there's a very high chance that I have C-PTSD. Beforehand, I was vaguely aware of what it is and that I had it, but after a certain incident happened to me (I don't feel comfortable sharing the details and it isn't important to this post anyways) I suddenly became significantly more aware of the prospect of me having it. I still haven't gotten a diagnosis yet.

I started looking more into it and the signs of C-PTSD I was exhibiting. I was also aware that I might have PMDD, but I eventually learned that PMDD tends to be more likely in people with C-PTSD because of how long-term trauma rewires the mind and body. I've also read that neurodivergent people are more likely to develop C-PTSD, and I've been suspecting that I have autism and/or ADHD for a while now.

During my last cycle, before my period began I was feeling passively suicidal and that humans are all vapidity-seeking bottom-feeders who hurt each other as second nature. I was so disgusted by the state of my own species that I genuinely wanted to kill them. This was a reoccurring event for a while now, but for some reason I felt like it was slightly worse than usual, either because of the stress I felt back then or I just hadn't felt that way in a while. Even if I wasn't PMSing, I felt hateful of humanity for a while; now that I know more about C-PTSD and PMDD, I realize that my misanthropy and revenge fantasies were actually coping mechanisms and that PMDD was exacerbating any other symptoms I had (of autism/ADHD as well, since I also struggle with executive dysfunction) that were already amplified by my C-PTSD.

Sorry if this seems a little messy, I was feeling this way for a while now and just felt like sharing it.