u/g0tohell00

Im 22 (F) and I have been wanting to go to my local fire station and see if I can make my first steps as a firefighter and become a volunteer. I drive past it daily but I’m in no shape and I smoke weed daily. I have this vision of me going in ready even though I know I wouldn’t become a firefighter just cause I am in shape but it would make me feel good knowing I’m prepared. I fear weed will be my downfall but I can’t break this attachment I have to it. I thought addiction and that might be true but I really think I have a very bad relationship with weed. I started smoking weed at 17 because of how it made me feel and everyone I was around smoked too. I then got into psychedelics because I was more so intrigued by it but it never stuck weed has always been my thing. It helped me through some rough times but it was the reason I gained so much weight in the process. I only stopped once because of nursing school but I started again after that month. While I wasn’t smoking weed I still had that itch so I turned to herbs. I may also just have a severe oral fixation and weed is something I’m comfortable with so I use that to feel something. Idk I really want to stop does anyone relate or have any tips? (Sorry if this was all over the place can’t help it lol)

So I had a seizure a few days ago I think it was caused by my phone (I had broke it on vacay and it was flashing this white light that was brighter than usual) all I remember is looking for our flight info and then I woke up on the ground with paramedics around me. I thought I was dreaming or I died or something I was in denial at first. I was asked what happened and I said I fell asleep but why would I fall asleep in the middle of the airport😒. Anyways what I was told by my gf and my friend was I was walking then I looked down and I looked scared and I said “what the fuck is that” while pointing at the ground then I fainted and started seizing. I don’t know what I seen I’ve been trying to remember but nothing is coming back. I went to the doctors and they said I was dehydrated as well as my phone could’ve been the cause. I suffer with anxiety so this is kinda bothering me I’m scared to play video games or go to the gym I know it would be rare for me to have another seizure but I can’t shake the feeling of it happening again and what if I’m driving or I’m by myself this time. I almost choked on my tongue last time luckily people were there to help. I haven’t felt like myself since and it’s such a weird feeling. What could I do to help?