frustrated over anxiety meds
I’m in therapy. I want anxiety medication. Hydroxyzine does nothing for me. Buspar gave me heart palpitations. I have been prescribed benzos in the past and they made me feel like a normal functioning human and I miss that so bad. I have developed bad health anxiety over the last 6months and it’s led to me wasting a lot of money on trips to the ER. They always send me home with a paper saying “ask your doctor about alprazolam” and it just makes me want to cry. It’s like they’re dangling the carrot over my head. A few months ago I worked up the courage to ask my psychiatrist about klonopin specifically. I was shaking because I know it’s frowned upon to ask for benzos directly. She told me she couldn’t prescribe it because it’s a controlled substance? I responded “oh, well I’m just confused because I was prescribed that before by someone else who works for this same company” Then she told me it’s actually just preference. She personally didn’t want to prescribe me that med. It was a humiliating conversation and her whole demeanor changed and it just made me feel ashamed. I felt like I was being punished. I was prescribed ativan at 16 and Klonopin at 19 but now as a nearly 22yr old it feels impossible to get this medication. How does that make any sense? I actually stopped seeing my previous psychiatrist because she was prescribing 20+ klonopin a month and told me to take them before bed to sleep and that was a HUGE red flag to me. If I wanted to abuse them that would’ve been a fucking gold mine. I’m thinking about asking my primary care physician about anxiety meds because I quit my job during a panic attack the other day. A job that I loved!!!!!! My anxiety is ruining my life.
I know these meds would help me but they are out of my reach. It’s so unfair.