u/gallimaufrys

Really just looking to hear other people's experience and have a bit of a vent.

I'm like a semipassing transman/non-binary. I present pretty binary but actually identify as non-binary. I get pretty uncomfortable when people assume I'm a straight cis guy, it's also really important to my partner that we are seen as a queer family (also to me)

I am feeling so much pressure to go stealth at work. I feel like I get passed over for promotions because I'm seen as more challenging or demanding when I do this like just share my pronouns. I used to work in DFV and famiky support and I really don't get any work in that space anymore, which I largely understand but also find frustrating.

I get scapegoated and silently othered a lot. I'm really not talking about being trans all the time, but they recently brought in a new payroll system that deadnamed me to all staff very publicly, which was an awful experience. The response has been that I need thicker skin. I get blammed for making them feel bad when I raise things.

I recently came across some client work where we had accidentally been supporting conversion therapy. It was a lack of knowledge issue. I just appropriatly raised the legal context in my country (it's illegal) and what could have been more appropriate. The political fall out of that was ridiculous, but I was insanely scapegoated and accused of going above my role as if it benefited me to speak up. It absolutely fucking did not and came at personal cost, it just makes me so fucking sad when the youth service I work in engaged in harmful practices. It also was quite literally my role to review counselling sessions that contained risk.

I have great relationships with the people I actually work with. I consistently get feedback that I am working at a higher skill level and knowledge level than my role and work has kind of exploited that in the past by asking me to consult on issues, support training and development of new staff. I mostly don't do that stuff anymore.

I recently took a new job that I start in a couple of weeks but it's a completely lateral move. I already had to out myself to them on the paperwork and they seem ok about it but I am so frustrated at how hard I have to work to be seen as equal.

Conversations about trans men getting male privileged drive me crazy because I feel like I've gone backwards in so many ways.

I'm just so frustrated and the idea of feeling pressured to be stealth feels in a lot of ways the same as being pretransition.

We have two rescue dogs around 8 yrs old now, one of which is a kind wolfhound cross with an insanely high jump.

He has a history of aggression with cats from when he was a year old or so. We haven't lived near a cat since then. Recently we got new neighbour who have their cat roam their yard and it's been not good. Our dog is hypervigilennt, barking, jumping trying to get over the fence and just overly agitated. We have put up a barrier so he can't see the cat and have been taking him down on a lead to the backyard which has been helping. We were hoping to get him used to the cat eventually, although training has been hard because the cat is unpredictable. We've also been talking him on extra walks as much as possible.

The problem is that he has been restless since not being able to free roam the yard. There was one afternoon when my partner was coming home from a walk and opened the front door just as a small dog walked by. Our dog was amped from a few encounters with the cat and charged that dog just as my partner opened the door. No one was hurt, I don't think my dog was trying to hurt it. The vet has said he is an over enthusiastic greeter (to put it mildly) but the woman alerted the council who visited us about a dog attack, and we've been fined. My dog has never run out the front door before or since. The whole thing sucked.

I'm pretty sad and stressed about the whole thing. I don't know how to get him used to cats. It's taken us years to get him relaxed around the local bush turkeys. We try so hard to make sure he doesn't greet other dogs in an unexpected way, that he's on a lead ect. He's a lovely gentle dog, great with my kid (who he's supervised with) and honestly mostly a couch potato.

Any tips for helping reactive dogs relax around cats? The neighbours just tell me their cat doesn't jump and will stick to their yard when I said it wouldn't be safe in ours, but I don't fully trust that. I don't want an accident to happen with their cat now the council has him down as having attacked someone.