Closet Alcoholic/Disruptive Roommate
I (30M) seem to have gotten myself into a bad roommate situation. This is mostly a vent, cause I think the answer is to just admit I am incompatible for their lifestyle and move out as soon as possible.
Few months ago, my month to month lease was terminated, unexpectedly. I only had 30 days to find a place, with no support network while balancing a tough academic semester. I ended up moving somewhere closeby, month to month again, with two women, one in their 50s and other in her 70s. One smokes cigarrettes, the other weed, and both said it was a strictly no smoking in the house arrangement. I asked and reiterated that I was only interested if smoking was always done outside, and I was promised yes, smoking never happens in the house. There were some other unrelated oddities that I overlooked (yes the age and demographic gap was one of the oddities, lol), but at the time it was the best place I could find. Still, the stress of moving ended up putting me dangerously behind in all courses and I ultimately failed a class, which I now must re take.
Classes start next week. I get my first fall disbursement of financial aid then too.
I was busy as anything and gone a lot over late spring and summer (like a total of 7 weeks out of town) for some school trips. But the nights I was there, there were a few crazy nights, mostly on the weekend, which now seem to be more like regular occurrences rather than isolated events.
So this one lady seems to be a closet alcoholic. She had most of the summer off, promised to declutter the living room, do some other productive things. Instead, she has apparently been getting blackout drunk 3 or 4 nights a week. I'm talking almost an entire 750mL bottle of whiskey, or two bottles of wine gone in a couple hours style of drunk.
When she gets blasted, she seems to forget that we are all in agreement there is no smoking in the house. It's always between 11pm and 1am, sitting in front of the tv in the living room common area, drunk out of her mind she lights up cigarettes and usually chain smokes 2 to 3 in a row. I immediately smell it because my bedroom is RIGHT THERE, closest room to it, and I'm normally asleep by 10 something, or at least in my bed reading or watching something. The smell immediately wakes me up, spikes my heart rate. Other times, she "cheats" and stands in the doorway to the outside, smoking, so she can keep watching the tv. Of course it stinks up the whole house, and hits my bedroom immediately, and I have a physiological response to it.
Every time she smokes inside or in the doorway, I tell her to stop. She does right away, but it continues to happen on basically a weekly basis. Always in the middle of the night when I'm trying to sleep. And she is always intoxicated, from heavily to clearly, totally blacked out.
One time, I came home at 9pm after a day at the beach, and first thing she said to me was "Oh! Hi... I was *just* about to start smoking in the house." As if my sudden presence meant she could not? She was sitting in front of the tv, blasted out of her mind. About an hour after this, she was so far gone she just babbled gibberish to me as I was making my dinner. I got especially upset this night, because the way she was acting triggered some PTSD in me. I had an ex almost a decade ago that would get black out drunk, talk gibberish, then pick abusive fights with me for hours. I was shaking and could not calm down and wanted to just leave for a hotel or friend's place. I guess I physically expected some fighting and abuse.
When she's on one of these "benders," which last anywhere from a single, long night to 4 days, she's just a really really BAD roommate. Leaves the kitchen a wreck and dishes all over. Does laundry and leaves clothes in washer or dryer for days. Besides the smoking, the worst thing is she watches the TV on a really loud volume, and 50% of the time completely passes out with it just cycling through auto-play movies for hours. One time I got so mad the TV was still going (and her passed out snoring) I just unplugged the wifi to make it stop, then plugged it back in (had no idea where the remote was). This was at about 6am, and yeah, it worked.
In addition to the drinking, she apparently has this two year old kid over for sleepovers and to spend the day together. It's usually on the weekends when I'm home, and I just, don't like screaming kids in my space all day long. Especially when I'm studying for a test! I specifically chose a place with no kids or pets (I am neurodivergent with sensory and processing issues, which I have documented and get accommodations for at school.) They take over the common area from like 6am to 7pm just doing random things you do with little kids. I can hear them from my room, and they always wreck the kitchen so that there's no space for anyone to do any meal prep for the week. Yes noise cancelling headphones help but this happening weekly is just annoying and not what I signed up for. Drinking episodes usually precede or immediately follow the kid coming over by one night.
The smoking I feel I have a right to say something about, and I do every time. We had an agreement. However it continues happening. Every time I see a bottle pull up, I just know I will likely have to tell her to take it outside about 11:00 or midnight. The drinking, I don't feel I have any leverage or way to say "Hey you are drinking way too much and it is disruptive to my school schedule." Someone's alcohol use is their business, right? Also, as I mentioned above, I have some PTSD surrounding heavy alcohol use this close to me in my intimate space. I get really shaky and upset when it happens and feel like I cannot relax at all. Bad thoughts and feelings come up because of that bad relationship all those years ago.
These are the things I absolutely can't tolerate. The age gaps, the clutter I was actually willing to look over. I keep my room in an extremely neat state to help my own state of mind, and hang out with a lot of people closer to my age at school. But paired with all this other stuff, and what I'm paying, it just seems like I should move. I just had to move, and I have to move next summer due to transferring schools, so I didn't want to move again.
Most of these incidents have happened over the summer, when I could tolerate some disruption, but with my classes starting, and no sign in the frequency of this behavior diminishing, I think I just need to move asap for my own academic and personal well-being.
I am actually writing this from a hotel now - I just could NOT take it anymore. So, if I'm willing to drop $400 for a few nights of peace... that speaks to something.
Anyway, that's all I guess. If you've ever dealt with a surprise alcoholic, or issues with smoking in a non-smoking house, please share below.
TLDR: Accidentally moved in with a 50 yo binge drinker that keeps smoking in the house and doesn't clean up after herself. Don't think it's gonna work out.