r/badroommates

He also

• has never interacted with anyone I have ever invited over without making a sexual comment about them

• has made statements sexualizing young children (he saw a kid's shelter advertisement showing a young boy and the caption "kids this age are trading sex for food" he told us about this and followed it up with "i got some food what are your rates hu hu hu". this is an ad for the same shelter i lived in as a kid)

• took my food out of the freezer and left it on the counter overnight so it would make me sick

• broke down my door while i was away, the landlord had to replace my door handle

• threatened that he was going to go down to the bank and kill everyone there

• he works as a peer supporter, one person in his group had a scheduling conflict, so he offered them one-on-one help. has since been talking about that client's "big black dick"

• believes the solution to world issues is to "kill all the jews, muslims, and christians"

• believes that being jewish is inherently racist

i have to live here for 12 more days

Hi I 21f recently moved with 24m we meet through a college thing on facebook when I was looking for a new roommate for the school year. Ill keep it short as we’ve only been living together for 3 weeks but when we moved in he asked if he could move his desk in the living room as he works from home sometimes (also lied about being a college student which I didn’t find out till after). anyways tho I had no problem as we have a two hour over lap of me being home and him working. However he took the desk okay in the living room and ran with it as now every night he’s out there sewing. I shared my thoughts and feelings as it’s not really a place I can relax with the sewing machine being on and also it just makes me feel like it’s his space not shared. He said I’m being unreasonable, that I have “social issues” and that he is not moving the things out of the living room bc I said “it’s a place to relax” and that’s how he relaxes . I’m really stuck on what to do bc I wasn’t aware the sewing hobbies was even a thing or I would have had that boundary set. Any advice or suggestions are appreciated thank you!

We live in a hot, humid city in the summer. His room gets good direct sunlight so naturally it gets hot unlike our very small common room which doesn’t get much direct sunlight (holds our kitchen and living room (I’ve told him he can buy a window unit AC for cheap, $30-50)

So he sleeps in his underwear, sprawled over our new couch, unplugs the microwave to plug in his fan, and directs it towards his crotch… he has never acknowledged this in our group chat, in person, nothing, no apologies. He moves out in October. Thank God.

Not here looking for a solution, just wanted to say something to get it off my mind. Honestly I don’t care what he does because he moves out in a month & my room is $800 a month!

im actually getting really sick and tired of dealing with this and it’s gotten to the point that i literally have a fear of flies. i can not stand them. my roommate has a cat that she barely takes care of and the litter box is disgusted (and whats funny is that IT IS AN AUTOMATIC ONE U REALLY DONT NEED TO DO MUCH). she will let its feces pile for days and there are times i have to tell her is the litter box on because the apt stinks. Her room stinks to the point u can smell it from the hallway. dont even get me started on how she washes dishes she never cleans the sink and leaves food on the drain which i have found flies, gnats and everything. i actually dont know how she sleeps in her room because the times we are in there together i have to leave because all i can concentrate on is the flies buzzing around. ive tried talking to her about this but i just think shes straight up disgusting and wont change. she’ll deep clean once a century and then the cycle repeats. we are having a new roommate moving in with us next week and im genuinely terrified of how it will go.

How long is an acceptable amount of time for poop to be in the kitty litter? My roommate is a generally messy/ disorganized person while I am a neat/ clean freak. I let most things pass and take care of them myself but I refuse to engage in caring for their cat as I am not a cat person. Wondering if I’m being crazy for thinking the kitty litter shouldn’t be full of numerous poops that have accumulated over two or three days.

I 26f moved into my apartment with my boyfriend and cat (ESA). This is my first apartment but I’m used to sharing spaces with others in general.
I was told by the previous girl who lived here that my roommate “J” was cleanly…SHE WAS SO WRONG!!

J is disgusting, she does not clean shared spaces, leaves exterminate in the bathroom and has overall poor hygiene that walking near her or her area is unpleasant. My cats litter box isn’t as smelly as her area. I don’t even want to touch anything of hers.

I have only lived here for a month and had to already have multiple conversations about cleanliness of the bathroom and about spoiled food in the fridge/pantry. The first issue I had with her was boxes that she left in the hallway that were there for TWO YEARS and I had to ask her TWICE to break them down and recycle.

She keeps making excuses about work, stress, issues with family, etc. and tells me that “oh I normally do that sorry” or “I usually do that weekly sorry I forgot” Total lies, I have never seen her clean. Before I even moved in my boyfriend and I were in the apartment cleaning and painting, she never once helped or even offered to help!

I am at my wits end! I should not have to parent a grown woman and tell her or teach her how to clean or wipe her ass. I do not know what to do and I’m dreading living with her for a whole year.

Hi

I've been living with a toxic roommate who has unofficially moved their partner into the house without any adjustment to lease or rent share or prior information.

We have had multiple verbal arguments on shared space usage, her not cleaning them and her having a third unofficial occupant.

Last night she threw my utensils across on the kitchen counter and kept her utensils in the spot I use. An argument began, I kept her utensils back in the sink. We kept arguing, she picked one of her glass containers, she accidentally hit it at the sink wall, glass shards everywhere and hurt herself in the process. All this while I am atleast 2 feet away from her.

She took images of this wound that she caused herself and made a false police call on me. Police arrived, I shared my version of events, which was actually what happened. Police went back and re-talked with her, she eventually agreed that my version was true sequence of events.

The police officer asked us to stay the night separately and made a Call for Service report and left.

I am stunned that it was this easy for her to falsely blame me in front of the police. She literally falsely called the police on me as revenge for personal dispute reasons. I am wondering what my options are to protect myself against such false reports.

Edit: This is in California

Sorry this got so long 😭TLDR; roommate does small things that drive me crazy, generates an insane amount of trash, not sure if I’m just being nitpicky.

My roommate and I are the same age; we are both 33. I’m F and he’s M. We’ve been living together for almost 2 years. For context, I own my home, so I’m also his landlord.

On paper we should have gotten along great (both of us are queer, have small dogs, just in general seemed to be interested in the same things), and we are perfectly cordial with each other, but I would not consider us friends. The first week he lived here he left weed outside on the back porch and my dog got into it, resulting in an emergency vet visit. My roommate did pay me back for the bill but it definitely put us on the wrong foot from the start.

There’s just a laundry list of things he does that drive me absolutely crazy, none of which are too bad on their own, I guess, but add it all up and I want to rip my hair out most days. I honestly can’t tell if I’m just being nitpicky or if these are genuine grievances so please be real with me here.

Probably the thing that annoys me most is how much garbage and recycling this man generates. I’ve had plenty of roommates before, so I know what a normal amount of trash looks like. Before he moved in, I had one garbage bin that gets picked up weekly and one much larger recycling bin that is picked up every 2 weeks.

With the previous roommates who lived here with me, we maybe filled the garbage bin every week but most of the time only partially. The recycling bin is huge, even 2 weeks worth of recycling rarely filled the entire bin.

After my current roommate moved in, I had to get a second recycling bin from the city AND put down my old garbage bin as an extra, otherwise there would be bags on the ground. Even with two recycling bins and two garbage bins, he still fills them to the brim and we often have a bag of garbage and recycling waiting inside for the bins to be emptied on garbage day.

It is just mind-boggling to me how much trash he is generating. I don’t go digging through the garbage but from what I can tell it is mostly food stuff — frozen meal boxes (which we can’t recycle in my county due to the coating), tea bottles (he buys Gold Peak sugar free iced tea that come in 1.6 quartz bottles and probably goes through a dozen of them a week at least) Gatorade bottles, fast food stuff, boxes from packages, and who knows what else. It’s just so much. There’s a family of four across the street who put out one of the larger garbage bins every week and one recycling bin, but two adults in my house are creating twice if not three times as much.

He also does laundry every. Fucking. Day. The washer and dryer are constantly running. I had to ask him to not do laundry on Sundays so I have one day a week I can do mine without worrying about having to move his laundry around, which he forgets almost every week and I have to ask him to move it anyway. I don’t know why on earth he has so many things to wash because he works from home and is not very social, he is home 99% of the time.

He snapped off the handle of my microwave, somehow. He broke my paper towel holder. He was having problems with his shower head once and when I went in there to investigate, I discovered that he had removed (for some reason??) the entire drain plug thing in the tub and the metal cover under the faucet. When I asked him why tf he did that he didn’t really have an answer but did put them back.

Every few weeks he’ll have some meltdown over something (idk, I don’t know his personal life that much) and he’ll stomp around the house, slam doors, cry and scream in his room. This man is a therapist btw. He’s also a huge hypochondriac, the kind of person who goes the ER instead of urgent care for stuff like a suspected UTI. He recently called an ambulance for himself TWICE in one week because he “didn’t have the energy” to wait in the waiting room.

There’s other stuff, too, but like … am I crazy for being so annoyed by all this? Otherwise, he keeps to himself mostly and he’s pretty clean, he also watches my dog for me when I go out of town. I tell myself it could be so much worse. But then he does something infuriatingly stupid like have three different paper towel rolls on the counter for some fucking reason instead of finishing one first and I want to bash my head in.

Tell me please if I’m the problem 😩

having roommates has completely changed my view of people

I’ve had a lot of trial and error. to the point I can look at someone and know without doubt if I would roommate with them.

that’s unfortunately the mindset I’ve had to develop to survive. being critical of everything a person

cause people actually reveal who they really are in small ways? And if you don’t trust your gut you’ll suffer

I’ve been on the ”roommate life” for about 3 years now. after have apartments and having an unfortunate situation where I’m forced to find roommates

in a way I love that it’s taught me how you can’t trust everyone.

So this is a rant/update to a old post.

Well we have moved on from the issue that caused the huge fight we got in. He has now started giving me a heads up when people come over, and being quiet when he brings people over at 2am-6am ( yes that late). But now it's another issue and just like before he does not listen to me when I say stuff and I feel like I have to get mad and yell at him for him to get it.

So couple things

1.) he has started cleaning and doing laundry at 4am ( my bedroom is right across from the laundry room) our washer and dryer also is loud as shit

2.) this one pisses me off to no end, I have to ask this man THIS 21 YEAR OLD MAN TO RINSE HIS DISHES AND PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER/ CLEAN HIS HAIR OUT OF THE SHOWER. it's not like 1 hair it's clumps of hair, long hair too (dudes does have very long hair).

I legit called him out (jokingly) saying stuff like "damn dudes going bald" "looks likes the grudge has been in our shower someone should get it" I finally called him out and said "dude your hair is on the wall of shower and the drain for 2 days you need to clean it, it's fucken gross"

Him: " no it's not, it's normal for long hair and I just need to throw it away"

(I also have very long hair)

I use to think I was good friends with this guy, but it's gotten to a point where I don't think he even respects me. Because everything I ask or say goes in one ear and right out the other. I've tried having a serious conversation but just like last time he does not listen or even care too.

I already know what's gonna happen I am gonna keep talking till I am blue in the face, because I've asked him to not wake me up now that school has started late at night and he still does along with the hair and dish thing. It's gonna keep happening till I snap and it starts a fight.

Sorry if this hard to follow, it's currently 4am and I have school in the morning.

(Oh he also has the bigger room but refuses to pay more for rent)

I just moved into an apartment complex with 2 girls, both I met on facebook. One has been living in the current unit for 3 years now, but me and the other girl are new and replacing her previous room mates that left.

I moved in last week. The other new girl just started moving in yesterday. Our unit is on the ground floor, however, our windows are slightly elevated off the ground. However, if someone (especially a tall-er male) really wanted to, I don’t have a doubt they could use a chair or something to get in. Even today, we had a maintenance man come by to put a screen on one of the windows, and all he needed was a lawn chair to get up on in order to reach the window and install the screen. For reference, my roommate’s window is even closer to the ground than that one.

We have a back yard, which has a tall fence and shrubbery. Directly behind it is an alley that leads to the street and faces the backs of other homes. Our complex is an indoor-outdoor layout essentially meaning someone could walk inside the structure from the street but each until itself is locked individually and it the architecture of the structure gives an illusion that it is more secure and private than it really is tbh. I originally thought there was no way anyone could possibly get into our yard from the street, but I recently discovered there are multiple doors throughout the complex’s indoor/outdoor design that lead into the yard. TLDR; building seems secure from outside, but if someone did a little poking around, they could end up off the street and into the exact yard this window is facing without needing a key or to break into anything.

Here’s the kicker: I was putting a maintenance request in last night through our management company’s online portal, and realized I am able to see the previous requests put in by all the other (and previous) tenants that have lived in our specific unit. I was curious to see the history and found a request barely over a month ago that a homeless man had gotten into our backyard from the alley (not even the street) through a hole and was sleeping in the yard. The request was that there were “openings in the fence” that needed to be repaired.

The last 2 nights, the new room mate has come by during the day to move things in and then goes back to her current house to spend the night (she lives in a nearby neighborhood but is moving here). Her lease has already started here but her old one isn’t done yet so she’s taking her time with the move. Both days, she opens her windows, leaves them open, and goes home. They are not just cracked; they are very clearly open, and someone from the back alley and/or yard would be able to see this.

This is a very urban area. To be frank, it’s one of the biggest cities in the US. It’s making me a bit stressed that she is under the illusion our apartment is completely secure just because our windows are elevated and not actually “ground-level” (despite being on the first floor) and we have a fenced in yard, when there are other entry points that can (and have) been used by non-residents to enter.

I barely know her, but last night, and tonight, I went into her room after she left and closed and locked them. This is something I greatly debated doing because I felt that it’s an invasion of privacy, but I think it’s inherently reckless leave them like this, even if she’s just airing out the room (which is my assumption as she also left a fan running in the room overnight, which i guess is a whole other thing in itself hahaha). I completely know and understand that this is unintentional, and I’m not angry about it or anything, but I just got a bit anxious. Both times I get up and open the windows before she returns so she doesn’t know I’ve done this. I don’t really feel too weird about it because the room is still pretty much empty and doesn’t have many personal belongings in it. I barely know her, we’ve only met in person one time before this and I’ve been out of the house during her move-in hours. I don’t want to start off on a bad note. AITA?

EDIT: after just opening my own bedroom window, i realized they have stoppers on them anyways and don’t open past a certain point. that makes me feel so much better and honestly dumb for doing that. i guess now i feel like i don’t really need to talk to her or the other girl about this anymore because leaving them open isn’t actually as serious of a risk as i initially thought. leaving this open for constructive criticism because it is still helpful for me

Found this out in the weirdest way. Came home early from work yesterday and his mom was in our kitchen wiping down the cabinets. She doesn't live nearby either, its like a 35 minute drive.

Apparently he's had a spare key made for her for months and she comes over every couple weeks while we're both working to "help keep the place in order." I started connecting dots and realized she's probably the reason stuff in the kitchen randomly moves around.

What actually pissed me off is she mentioned that my bedroom "looks much better with the desk by the window." I never told her she could go in there, and my roommate somehow doesn't understand why thats a massive issue.

I've stayed here because the rent is decent and I've finally been able to keep some money saved, so moving over this feels ridiculous. But knowing his mom apparently does little inspections when I'm gone is making me uncomfortable as hell.

Would you tell him the key needs to be taken back completely or am I making this bigger than it is?

TL;DR need advice on how to force my roommate to take on his share of the chores even though I’ve had multiple conversations about this with him

I (M22) live in a western global city with my (M24) roommate who is also my friend of 7 years. I want to preface this by saying moving out is extremely difficult in my city because the market is absolutely saturated. I live in a city with 2+ million inhabitants and rent is very expensive. We live in a 2 bedroom 57 sq meters apartment. I desperately need advice on how to handle the situation.

So everything went well when me and my roommate moved in together 2.5 years ago. For the first couple months everything was fine, we would split chores and cleaning duties, we would hang out together in the apartment a lot, we have been very good friends for a long time and I would even consider him to be my best friend back then. That is until he slowly started to clean less and less and everything was up to me to figure out.

For about 2-3 months, I started noticing that I was the only one consistently staying on top of cleaning. Back then he was the only one to have a cat, and I was almost always the one cleaning his cat’s litter. At first I got annoyed but after 2 days of noticing it was still dirty I felt bad for the cat and scooped the litter, and little by little I ended up being the only one to do it.

At that point, I sent him a message in October 2025 telling him I wasn’t his maid, that he couldn’t leave all the cleaning up to me, that it wasn’t fair, and I sent him a timetable detailing chores for the week that we would both had to follow. He apologized and told me he would fix it.

And everything went back to normal. We’d split cleaning duties and I thanked him for keeping his promise. But then, he slowly stopped doing his share of the work, again. I’d say it lasted from December 2025 to March 2026. 3 months of ALL the workload falling on my shoulders again. I was beginning to be more and more pissed. I would tell him to clean certain areas and he’d be visibly annoyed.

One day, I got home after work and he was in the kitchen (a very annoying habit he had, he would always be in the kitchen/bathroom when I got home from work even though he knew I was getting home soon which pissed me off since those are the rooms you want to be using when you get home from work). Since I couldn’t go and cook my dinner, I started to sweep the living room. He snapped at me and told me that he was overwhelmed with the noise, and to do it later when he wasn’t in the kitchen anymore. I was pissed, I let out a big sigh and left.

After this event, I stopped talking to him altogether for about a month. I ignored him entirely. I’d spend all my time in my bedroom. I wouldn’t go into the common areas if I heard him roaming. And he did the same. I think he felt bad but still no word from him. I started to feel guilty because his birthday was coming up, and he was my friend after all. He hadn’t planned anything for his birthday this year which was very unusual because he usually always celebrates with a few of our friends (we usually go to dinner or something). I felt super guilty because I knew I was lowkey the reason why he wasn’t planning any kind of celebration.

So I wrote him a big letter a few days before his birthday detailing how we needed to communicate more as roommates and that we needed some kind of organization. I told him we had to send each other our work schedules so as to not be in each other’s way in the common areas (especially kitchen/bathroom) when the other comes home from work. I told him I needed him to be involved in the chores, and that it had to be split equally. I told him if I could do anything to make his life easier, to please let me know. I also complained about some behaviors he had towards that I absolutely didn’t appreciate, but it’s irrelevant to the shared living situation.

He came to me a few days later and told me he read the letter and agreed with what I said. He apologized again, and we went out for his birthday and had lots of fun. The situation improved once again, but I was a lot more vigilant this time around.

But like clock work, he slowly started to clean less and less and less. I would come home to dozens of dishes in the sink, and the next 4 days I’d find those same dishes still sitting in the sink, plus a few extra ones. I got a cat in the mean time, and it’s like he took it as a sign to stop cleaning the litter altogether.

I was going insane because I had to spend multiple hours a week cleaning the apartment because of him. He started to leave dirty stuff around the apartment, everything was always a mess, his cat would pee on the rugs/curtains and he didn’t even seem to notice it, I was ALWAYS the one cleaning up his cat’s pee. I’d find moldy food in the fridge, which is rich coming from him because he is a germaphobe (yes……. I know how this sounds) and has a visceral aversion to mold. I constantly had to clean up after him.

After 2 months, I imposed him a HUGE summer, cleaning session, this past June. We spent at least 10 hours cleaning the apartment from floor to ceiling. Every crevasse, every little corner. I was SO relieved after all that. I finally felt like I was in a CLEAN apartment.

But you guessed it……. he hasn’t cleaned even once since our big deep clean, 2 months ago. I’m going insane. I keep telling him to do certain tasks and he doesn’t even do them (whereas before he would do them, even though I had to tell him before).

One of our mutual friends invited us to her parents’ house in the countryside last week, he wasn’t supposed to come at first which I was very excited for because I’ve about had it with him, I can barely stand to be in his presence for longer than 2 hours. But of COURSE, he tagged along. I cleaned the whole apartment 2 days before we left. He got annoyed when I told him to take out the trash the morning of our departure.

I just reached my breaking point yesterday when I came home from work. I walked in and all the lights were on, I could tell he was cleaning ! I was close to doing backflips. I went to take a shower, and when I came out of the bathroom, he was in his room, all lights off. He didn’t clean the apartment. He only cleaned his room. I was absolutely flabbergasted y’all. I honestly didn’t think he could be anymore disrespectful.

I have decided that I need to have a final conversation with him, face to face. All the previous times I did it in writing, because I know he is more comfortable with that. But I am no longer willing to accommodate him. He has been treating me like absolute shit for the past 1.5 year and mind you, he hasn’t even said thank you once.

On top of that, I will say that I am the only one buying daily necessities for us both like toilet paper, cat litter, hand soap. He hasn’t bought those in months. When I last told him to pickup some toilet paper (a few weeks ago), he told me he didn’t have any money. I have no doubt that he was telling the truth but keep in mind that he earns significantly more than me. I earn minimum wage and he has a manager position at his job. We are both in the food/service industry.

Wanna know what’s ironic ? He is the manager in charge of the health and hygiene department at his job. What a fucking joke.

My coworker has told me that I need to tell him that either he sticks to cleaning, or I’ll have to deduct all the time I spend cleaning for us both from our rent. Do you guys think this kind of ultimatum is a good idea ?

Anyway, I’m just so exhausted. Please tell me what you would do if you were me. I am just so so so desperate.

My room mate of 7 months continuously leaves the stove or oven on and falls asleep. Will cook at high temperatures and set the smoke detector off. Among other less serious problems, these are the most concerning. I will wake in the morning and before going to work check that everything is off. I have 2 dogs in my room and the thought of anything ever happening to them scares me. I have talked to him more than 6 times, and Im not urgently understood and respected. Completing a resolve. It seems like it gets pushed with a im sorry it wont happen again… until it does. I have no more patience and am very angry. I charge him flat rate. I pay electricity and other bills. We are friends, but at home its like im teaching a child how to respect a home. Anyway any words of wisdom appreciated, and thankyou for a vent.

TL;DR My roommate is incredibly messy and has no sense of boundaries even after agreeing to change. She got incredibly defensive after I finally got fed up and sent her a firm text about having to clean up her messes. The lease is almost up and I stupidly agreed to a coin toss and lost.

This is long because it encompasses almost a years worth of frustration….

I’ve (28F) been living with my roommate (25F) for almost a year now, our lease is up at the end of September.

We started out as friends but over time I’ve gotten increasingly frustrated with her because I’ve had to deal with her constant messiness.

This includes: hair in the drain, period blood under the toilet seat, poop splats under the toilet seat, skid marks, used contact lenses left in the sink and bathroom counter for a month, dirty dishes left for days, cardboard boxes left on the deck to soak and rot for a month, a vase with dirty flower water left to rot and mold for a month, overstuffing garbage and recycling and leaving it for me to take it out, to the point that a tampon fell out of the bathroom trash when I tried to throw something out, hogging the washing machine, and not cleaning shared spaces. There’s probably more that I can’t think of at the moment but that’s basically the gist. Oh, and she works from home. So she should have ample time to clean this stuff.

On top of that, she had an alarm that would go off for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT and wake me up and I complained to her about it several times since November and she didn’t do anything about it until a few weeks ago when I knocked on her door twice (which she slept through) and called her. She spent the whole day avoiding me until she finally apologized and said she’d change it.

She also has zero boundaries regarding my cat. When I’m with my cat in my room and it’s clear he wants to spend time with me, she will call him from the other room, over and over and over again. She will also sit in front of my room on her hands and knees to try to see if he’s under my bed. He’s very shy and hides sometimes and sometimes she’s gone into my room and opened my closet to see if she can find him. One time she went into my room and took his brush off my dresser and brought it into the living room.

She also bought him a giant tub of treats (which she never asked me about, she just did it) and was giving him several treats daily. He gained weight. He had a dental procedure where he had three teeth pulled, which she knew about, and as soon as he got home from the vet she immediately gave him treats, which I had to call the vet about because they said he shouldn’t eat dry food for two weeks after the procedure. Finally, she would feed him without asking me, so he would end up getting overfed. He gained 4 pounds, though he has lost two after I told her to stop giving him food and treats.

I asked her once in March to sit down and come up with an agreement of responsibilities. She agreed to clean the living room and hallway while I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. I know that’s not really a fair trade but knowing her I figured that if I didn’t do it it wouldn’t get done and I can’t stand a gross kitchen or bathroom. We also agreed to not leave dishes overnight for more than 24 hours, clean messes immediately, check under the toilet if we’re on our periods, etc.

Things got slightly better, but not entirely. I had to remind her many times to clean her blood and poop off the toilet, clean her hair off the drain, get rid of contact lenses, etc. Dishes stayed on the counter for 3 days or less instead of 5.

For her weekly chores, her idea of cleaning was running the robot vacuum and I remember seeing that there were large coats of dust on all the furniture because she never dusted; just ran the vacuum.

More recently she’s started dusting but that’s only because I got disgusted last week and dusted the entire living room while she was working. Since then she discovered dusting and has been doing that more as well as vacuuming the couch and brushing the rug (?)

Okay fine great. But in all this time I’ve gotten more and more disgusted and frustrated with her, and I’ve retreated. I’ve stopped hanging out with her and really talking to her any more than necessary. I’ve been polite and had conversations with her but it’s just been extremely upsetting feeling like my boundaries have been encroached upon and having to continuously deal with her messes. I feel bad but it’s just been frustrating.

On top of that she also hasn’t made an effort to communicate anything with me, she’s also pulled back. Any time there’s been conflict she basically hides from me, and she also never reaches out to me about trying to repair things. It got to the point that I went to the ER twice in a week and she asked if I was ok the first time I was there bc she saw it on the map, but I responded and she didn’t say anything and when I went back she also didn’t say anything, even after I spent the whole day in bed.
Then my childhood cat died and I guess I didn’t really tell her about it because I was frustrated about the whole situation between us and keeping to myself, but she just liked my post about it on instagram and didn’t say anything. Then I had my birthday and she wished me a happy birthday but she didn’t get me anything, which, I don’t care and I’m not saying I wanted her to get me anything, but I got her a birthday present, so it’s just weird imo.

So I finally had enough and I sat down with her and was like okay well the lease is up soon and I don’t think we’re compatible as roommates so I think we should think more about what we want to do. And she was like okay let’s talk in a few days on Sunday (Aug 16)

I decided to have a last minute birthday party at my house and I guess I could have told her but she’d been chill about guests in the past and it was also her suggestion to have a party in the first place. I did set the date without consulting her but I didn’t think it’d be a big deal and I invited her on Partiful, however I did tell her two times about it before the party happened telling her she was welcome to join. If there had been an issue with the date I would have been happy to accommodate her but she didn’t say anything. However she did clean the living room on Friday without saying anything, if she had been concerned about not having time to clean I would have told her don’t worry about it it’s my party so I’ll clean. But there was really no communication about it

The day of the party I got home from staying overnight at a hotel after a wedding, and my roommate had gone out to the city for the day which she had told me she would do. I was going to clean everything in preparation for the party and I noticed that 1. There was more blood on under the toilet seat and 2. There was hair in the shower drain. Which usually i would ask her to clean but she was going to be gone the whole day. And this was after many many times of having to ask her to clean these things.

So I said

“Hey, I really need you to start checking the shower and the toilet after you use them. I had to clean hair out of the shower drain and blood off the toilet seat ahead of people coming over tonight. This has been a recurring issue and it’s really frustrating for me to keep having to deal with it. Moving forward please make sure you’re being considerate of shared spaces, I really really don’t want to have to keep bringing this up”

So I noticed on the map she got to the train station and ended up staying in the train station parking lot for two hours bc she seemed to be hiding from me again.

And she said

“I’m sorry I forgot to grab my hair. I meant to but was in a rush and missed it. As for the blood, I put a tampon in because I could feel that my period would start today and I didn’t wanna bleed on myself and didn’t know when I’d be able to access a bathroom if needed in [the city] so the blood shouldn’t be mine.

I know we have talked about this before and I’m sorry that it has happened again but sometimes people make mistakes. While I try to change for things that you don’t like, I’m going to mess up every once in a while.

As for shared spaces and you having people over, I know you are having a party as I found out on partiful along with everyone else. If you had told me ahead of time, I would have said tonight’s not a great night as I was out all day and wouldn’t have time to do my Saturday cleaning and was planning on doing it tomorrow. Instead, I changed my plans and cleaned yesterday so you would not feel like you needed to clean the living room ahead of people coming over as it’s my chore.

But you won’t have to keep bringing this up, our lease ends in one month so it won’t be much longer.”

Which was crazy because I’m not on my period and I’ve def cleaned the bathroom multiple times since my last period so it wasn’t me. Plus okay fair about the party but even if there had been no party she still would have been gone all day and left me to clean that stuff. And at this point it’s not a mistake or things I don’t like these are literally gross things….

Anyway we had the conversation on Sunday and she said she also wanted to stay. Which is crazy to me seeing as she doesn’t take care of the space and also doesn’t cook or use the deck, she just locks herself in her room for a majority of the time. And she was like yeah I haven’t been the best about it she reiterated that she makes mistakes and it’s not like she leaves hair in the drain every day. Which I was like okay but this has been constant and it’s not like I’ve only asked you once or twice it’s been at least 7 or 8 times.

And I was like I guess we could try to work this out and she’s like sure but we’d maybe have to revisit the agreement because things change. And she was like well there’s things you do that I don’t like, for example you sometimes leave bits of food on the dishes after you wash them. (Which like, we don’t have a dishwasher we have to wash everything by hand. If that’s the worst thing I do, then I must be doing pretty good)

And she’s like well I don’t want to live wit you anymore either, so maybe we should flip a coin. And I was like well maybe we should wait to do that? And she’s like well what’s the difference if we do it now or later. And I was like okay fine. Which I REGRET! Because I lost the coin toss. But I said to her so long as I’m living here, you need to clean up after yourself immediately.

Now, she has been doing that, surprisingly. But we’ve barely been talking to each other, and I’m so mad at myself because I adore this apartment and the hope was that she’d leave and I could find a better roommate. But now my two options seem to be try to work it out with her and stay with her, or lose the apartment and live with someone else. And I’m a teacher and I’m about to start the most important job of my life and idk if I can afford to do that. I’m so mad at myself. And it’s like if we do work it out I have to butter her up even though she’s been a terrible friend and roommate this whole time.

*They're technically my landlords but I rent a room from and live with them, we refer to each other as roommates.

My state got hit with a huge storm that has left us without power (and some without water) for a week now. I have two cats, one who I left at home and the other I took to my parent's house because she's double-coated and needs to be able to cool down with a fan or something (my parents have a generator). My roommates have 10 cats and a dog.

I've been spending some days at my friend's over an hour away and some nights on my parent's couch. I still have to go to work so I've been driving my POS car back and forth, which is terrifying for me as I already have driving anxiety and add all the destruction, crazy drivers, and my warped rotors and bad brake pads. Nothing changes the fact that I am on a schedule.

I stop at home to feed and love on my cat every day then go to work.

One of my roommates is unemployed and the other only goes in 2 days a week, if that, and they both aren't on any kind of schedule. They've been staying with family who lives in the same neighborhood less than 2 minutes away.

They keep asking me to feed and care for their animals, and getting angry when I say I don't have time. They haven't cleaned the house at all, changed any litter boxes, there is rotting food in the fridge and cat puke all over the carpets. They have time to do this but they are choosing not to, then getting mad at me for not doing it for them.

I've been helping my parents clear their yard of fallen trees outside of work. They haven't done anything, there are still trees in our yard minus the ones I did clean up (but I'm a 4'9 out of shape female, there's only so much I can do by myself.)

My point is. I've been busy since the storm hit, while they have been avoiding responsibilities and trying to put them on me. When I say I don't have time, I really don't have time to feed 10 cats, clean up their puke, change their litter boxes, etc, when I have a job and am helping my parents.

They have all the time in the world and have been putting their responsibilities off to me and getting angry when I tell them no.

Edit for those of you wondering why I left one of my cats at home and are claiming neglect on my part. First I'd like to say that my cat has his own space. He is old and not active. Please don't act like I'm the one being neglectful when I give my cat his own space where I keep things clean and care for him without having to be around their other cats. Their cats are their responsibility, I am responsible for my own and have been keeping up wirh him minus not being home as much. There's no need for y'all to worry or assume anything on my end. I kept him home because that is where he is comfortable. He has heart issues and I'm not putting him through a road trip when he doesn't need it, he is fine in his space.

I moved countries recently and was lucky enough to find housing with a couple of housemates who are sisters.

We all really bonded the initial couple of months, went everywhere together. A new roomate moved in. Lets call her A.

A is really nice as well, but she would limit her interaction with us and doesn’t come out of her room if necessary. The sisters however were still real friendly to me and A. They even gifted me a gift for my bday, and it unfortunately broke so they even got it fixed.

But the younger sister now doesnt really talk to me anymore. Even if she does, its usually curt and fake, not genuine and smiling like before.

They have been really nice to me so far and the elder sister still is. But the behaviour of the younger one just being bland and curt towards me has been weighing in on me. We used to go shopping together now she doesnt even ask me

I know i should have better things to think about but it really affects my day

How do i deal with this? I dont want to confront her because i feel like shell just say nothing is wrong and later be annoyed. Help

I (30M) seem to have gotten myself into a bad roommate situation. This is mostly a vent, cause I think the answer is to just admit I am incompatible for their lifestyle and move out as soon as possible.

Few months ago, my month to month lease was terminated, unexpectedly. I only had 30 days to find a place, with no support network while balancing a tough academic semester. I ended up moving somewhere closeby, month to month again, with two women, one in their 50s and other in her 70s. One smokes cigarrettes, the other weed, and both said it was a strictly no smoking in the house arrangement. I asked and reiterated that I was only interested if smoking was always done outside, and I was promised yes, smoking never happens in the house. There were some other unrelated oddities that I overlooked (yes the age and demographic gap was one of the oddities, lol), but at the time it was the best place I could find. Still, the stress of moving ended up putting me dangerously behind in all courses and I ultimately failed a class, which I now must re take.

Classes start next week. I get my first fall disbursement of financial aid then too.

I was busy as anything and gone a lot over late spring and summer (like a total of 7 weeks out of town) for some school trips. But the nights I was there, there were a few crazy nights, mostly on the weekend, which now seem to be more like regular occurrences rather than isolated events.

So this one lady seems to be a closet alcoholic. She had most of the summer off, promised to declutter the living room, do some other productive things. Instead, she has apparently been getting blackout drunk 3 or 4 nights a week. I'm talking almost an entire 750mL bottle of whiskey, or two bottles of wine gone in a couple hours style of drunk.

When she gets blasted, she seems to forget that we are all in agreement there is no smoking in the house. It's always between 11pm and 1am, sitting in front of the tv in the living room common area, drunk out of her mind she lights up cigarettes and usually chain smokes 2 to 3 in a row. I immediately smell it because my bedroom is RIGHT THERE, closest room to it, and I'm normally asleep by 10 something, or at least in my bed reading or watching something. The smell immediately wakes me up, spikes my heart rate. Other times, she "cheats" and stands in the doorway to the outside, smoking, so she can keep watching the tv. Of course it stinks up the whole house, and hits my bedroom immediately, and I have a physiological response to it.

Every time she smokes inside or in the doorway, I tell her to stop. She does right away, but it continues to happen on basically a weekly basis. Always in the middle of the night when I'm trying to sleep. And she is always intoxicated, from heavily to clearly, totally blacked out.

One time, I came home at 9pm after a day at the beach, and first thing she said to me was "Oh! Hi... I was *just* about to start smoking in the house." As if my sudden presence meant she could not? She was sitting in front of the tv, blasted out of her mind. About an hour after this, she was so far gone she just babbled gibberish to me as I was making my dinner. I got especially upset this night, because the way she was acting triggered some PTSD in me. I had an ex almost a decade ago that would get black out drunk, talk gibberish, then pick abusive fights with me for hours. I was shaking and could not calm down and wanted to just leave for a hotel or friend's place. I guess I physically expected some fighting and abuse.

When she's on one of these "benders," which last anywhere from a single, long night to 4 days, she's just a really really BAD roommate. Leaves the kitchen a wreck and dishes all over. Does laundry and leaves clothes in washer or dryer for days. Besides the smoking, the worst thing is she watches the TV on a really loud volume, and 50% of the time completely passes out with it just cycling through auto-play movies for hours. One time I got so mad the TV was still going (and her passed out snoring) I just unplugged the wifi to make it stop, then plugged it back in (had no idea where the remote was). This was at about 6am, and yeah, it worked.

In addition to the drinking, she apparently has this two year old kid over for sleepovers and to spend the day together. It's usually on the weekends when I'm home, and I just, don't like screaming kids in my space all day long. Especially when I'm studying for a test! I specifically chose a place with no kids or pets (I am neurodivergent with sensory and processing issues, which I have documented and get accommodations for at school.) They take over the common area from like 6am to 7pm just doing random things you do with little kids. I can hear them from my room, and they always wreck the kitchen so that there's no space for anyone to do any meal prep for the week. Yes noise cancelling headphones help but this happening weekly is just annoying and not what I signed up for. Drinking episodes usually precede or immediately follow the kid coming over by one night.

The smoking I feel I have a right to say something about, and I do every time. We had an agreement. However it continues happening. Every time I see a bottle pull up, I just know I will likely have to tell her to take it outside about 11:00 or midnight. The drinking, I don't feel I have any leverage or way to say "Hey you are drinking way too much and it is disruptive to my school schedule." Someone's alcohol use is their business, right? Also, as I mentioned above, I have some PTSD surrounding heavy alcohol use this close to me in my intimate space. I get really shaky and upset when it happens and feel like I cannot relax at all. Bad thoughts and feelings come up because of that bad relationship all those years ago.

These are the things I absolutely can't tolerate. The age gaps, the clutter I was actually willing to look over. I keep my room in an extremely neat state to help my own state of mind, and hang out with a lot of people closer to my age at school. But paired with all this other stuff, and what I'm paying, it just seems like I should move. I just had to move, and I have to move next summer due to transferring schools, so I didn't want to move again.

Most of these incidents have happened over the summer, when I could tolerate some disruption, but with my classes starting, and no sign in the frequency of this behavior diminishing, I think I just need to move asap for my own academic and personal well-being.

I am actually writing this from a hotel now - I just could NOT take it anymore. So, if I'm willing to drop $400 for a few nights of peace... that speaks to something.

Anyway, that's all I guess. If you've ever dealt with a surprise alcoholic, or issues with smoking in a non-smoking house, please share below.

TLDR: Accidentally moved in with a 50 yo binge drinker that keeps smoking in the house and doesn't clean up after herself. Don't think it's gonna work out.