u/OneRepulsiveFlamingo

I swear I didn’t hallucinate this. I remember I was watching the Big Comfy Couch on TV when I was a kid (mid-late 2000s) and then it went to a commercial break and it was like a short or something that they were presenting and it was like a dark stage and then these disembodied hands (possibly wearing white or blue gloves) were playing a song instruments such as harps. I can’t remember if it was animated or not. The music was really calm and serene. It’s definitely not “A Show of Hands.”

It scared the crap out of me when I was a kid lol.

Also, it may have been a song/music video they were presenting because I remember them saying something like “and now please enjoy [song/video/whatever]”. There were no vocals though it was an instrumental piece

Does anyone know what I’m talking about???

TL;DR My roommate is incredibly messy and has no sense of boundaries even after agreeing to change. She got incredibly defensive after I finally got fed up and sent her a firm text about having to clean up her messes. The lease is almost up and I stupidly agreed to a coin toss and lost.

This is long because it encompasses almost a years worth of frustration….

I’ve (28F) been living with my roommate (25F) for almost a year now, our lease is up at the end of September.

We started out as friends but over time I’ve gotten increasingly frustrated with her because I’ve had to deal with her constant messiness.

This includes: hair in the drain, period blood under the toilet seat, poop splats under the toilet seat, skid marks, used contact lenses left in the sink and bathroom counter for a month, dirty dishes left for days, cardboard boxes left on the deck to soak and rot for a month, a vase with dirty flower water left to rot and mold for a month, overstuffing garbage and recycling and leaving it for me to take it out, to the point that a tampon fell out of the bathroom trash when I tried to throw something out, hogging the washing machine, and not cleaning shared spaces. There’s probably more that I can’t think of at the moment but that’s basically the gist. Oh, and she works from home. So she should have ample time to clean this stuff.

On top of that, she had an alarm that would go off for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT and wake me up and I complained to her about it several times since November and she didn’t do anything about it until a few weeks ago when I knocked on her door twice (which she slept through) and called her. She spent the whole day avoiding me until she finally apologized and said she’d change it.

She also has zero boundaries regarding my cat. When I’m with my cat in my room and it’s clear he wants to spend time with me, she will call him from the other room, over and over and over again. She will also sit in front of my room on her hands and knees to try to see if he’s under my bed. He’s very shy and hides sometimes and sometimes she’s gone into my room and opened my closet to see if she can find him. One time she went into my room and took his brush off my dresser and brought it into the living room.

She also bought him a giant tub of treats (which she never asked me about, she just did it) and was giving him several treats daily. He gained weight. He had a dental procedure where he had three teeth pulled, which she knew about, and as soon as he got home from the vet she immediately gave him treats, which I had to call the vet about because they said he shouldn’t eat dry food for two weeks after the procedure. Finally, she would feed him without asking me, so he would end up getting overfed. He gained 4 pounds, though he has lost two after I told her to stop giving him food and treats.

I asked her once in March to sit down and come up with an agreement of responsibilities. She agreed to clean the living room and hallway while I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. I know that’s not really a fair trade but knowing her I figured that if I didn’t do it it wouldn’t get done and I can’t stand a gross kitchen or bathroom. We also agreed to not leave dishes overnight for more than 24 hours, clean messes immediately, check under the toilet if we’re on our periods, etc.

Things got slightly better, but not entirely. I had to remind her many times to clean her blood and poop off the toilet, clean her hair off the drain, get rid of contact lenses, etc. Dishes stayed on the counter for 3 days or less instead of 5.

For her weekly chores, her idea of cleaning was running the robot vacuum and I remember seeing that there were large coats of dust on all the furniture because she never dusted; just ran the vacuum.

More recently she’s started dusting but that’s only because I got disgusted last week and dusted the entire living room while she was working. Since then she discovered dusting and has been doing that more as well as vacuuming the couch and brushing the rug (?)

Okay fine great. But in all this time I’ve gotten more and more disgusted and frustrated with her, and I’ve retreated. I’ve stopped hanging out with her and really talking to her any more than necessary. I’ve been polite and had conversations with her but it’s just been extremely upsetting feeling like my boundaries have been encroached upon and having to continuously deal with her messes. I feel bad but it’s just been frustrating.

On top of that she also hasn’t made an effort to communicate anything with me, she’s also pulled back. Any time there’s been conflict she basically hides from me, and she also never reaches out to me about trying to repair things. It got to the point that I went to the ER twice in a week and she asked if I was ok the first time I was there bc she saw it on the map, but I responded and she didn’t say anything and when I went back she also didn’t say anything, even after I spent the whole day in bed.
Then my childhood cat died and I guess I didn’t really tell her about it because I was frustrated about the whole situation between us and keeping to myself, but she just liked my post about it on instagram and didn’t say anything. Then I had my birthday and she wished me a happy birthday but she didn’t get me anything, which, I don’t care and I’m not saying I wanted her to get me anything, but I got her a birthday present, so it’s just weird imo.

So I finally had enough and I sat down with her and was like okay well the lease is up soon and I don’t think we’re compatible as roommates so I think we should think more about what we want to do. And she was like okay let’s talk in a few days on Sunday (Aug 16)

I decided to have a last minute birthday party at my house and I guess I could have told her but she’d been chill about guests in the past and it was also her suggestion to have a party in the first place. I did set the date without consulting her but I didn’t think it’d be a big deal and I invited her on Partiful, however I did tell her two times about it before the party happened telling her she was welcome to join. If there had been an issue with the date I would have been happy to accommodate her but she didn’t say anything. However she did clean the living room on Friday without saying anything, if she had been concerned about not having time to clean I would have told her don’t worry about it it’s my party so I’ll clean. But there was really no communication about it

The day of the party I got home from staying overnight at a hotel after a wedding, and my roommate had gone out to the city for the day which she had told me she would do. I was going to clean everything in preparation for the party and I noticed that 1. There was more blood on under the toilet seat and 2. There was hair in the shower drain. Which usually i would ask her to clean but she was going to be gone the whole day. And this was after many many times of having to ask her to clean these things.

So I said

“Hey, I really need you to start checking the shower and the toilet after you use them. I had to clean hair out of the shower drain and blood off the toilet seat ahead of people coming over tonight. This has been a recurring issue and it’s really frustrating for me to keep having to deal with it. Moving forward please make sure you’re being considerate of shared spaces, I really really don’t want to have to keep bringing this up”

So I noticed on the map she got to the train station and ended up staying in the train station parking lot for two hours bc she seemed to be hiding from me again.

And she said

“I’m sorry I forgot to grab my hair. I meant to but was in a rush and missed it. As for the blood, I put a tampon in because I could feel that my period would start today and I didn’t wanna bleed on myself and didn’t know when I’d be able to access a bathroom if needed in [the city] so the blood shouldn’t be mine.

I know we have talked about this before and I’m sorry that it has happened again but sometimes people make mistakes. While I try to change for things that you don’t like, I’m going to mess up every once in a while.

As for shared spaces and you having people over, I know you are having a party as I found out on partiful along with everyone else. If you had told me ahead of time, I would have said tonight’s not a great night as I was out all day and wouldn’t have time to do my Saturday cleaning and was planning on doing it tomorrow. Instead, I changed my plans and cleaned yesterday so you would not feel like you needed to clean the living room ahead of people coming over as it’s my chore.

But you won’t have to keep bringing this up, our lease ends in one month so it won’t be much longer.”

Which was crazy because I’m not on my period and I’ve def cleaned the bathroom multiple times since my last period so it wasn’t me. Plus okay fair about the party but even if there had been no party she still would have been gone all day and left me to clean that stuff. And at this point it’s not a mistake or things I don’t like these are literally gross things….

Anyway we had the conversation on Sunday and she said she also wanted to stay. Which is crazy to me seeing as she doesn’t take care of the space and also doesn’t cook or use the deck, she just locks herself in her room for a majority of the time. And she was like yeah I haven’t been the best about it she reiterated that she makes mistakes and it’s not like she leaves hair in the drain every day. Which I was like okay but this has been constant and it’s not like I’ve only asked you once or twice it’s been at least 7 or 8 times.

And I was like I guess we could try to work this out and she’s like sure but we’d maybe have to revisit the agreement because things change. And she was like well there’s things you do that I don’t like, for example you sometimes leave bits of food on the dishes after you wash them. (Which like, we don’t have a dishwasher we have to wash everything by hand. If that’s the worst thing I do, then I must be doing pretty good)

And she’s like well I don’t want to live wit you anymore either, so maybe we should flip a coin. And I was like well maybe we should wait to do that? And she’s like well what’s the difference if we do it now or later. And I was like okay fine. Which I REGRET! Because I lost the coin toss. But I said to her so long as I’m living here, you need to clean up after yourself immediately.

Now, she has been doing that, surprisingly. But we’ve barely been talking to each other, and I’m so mad at myself because I adore this apartment and the hope was that she’d leave and I could find a better roommate. But now my two options seem to be try to work it out with her and stay with her, or lose the apartment and live with someone else. And I’m a teacher and I’m about to start the most important job of my life and idk if I can afford to do that. I’m so mad at myself. And it’s like if we do work it out I have to butter her up even though she’s been a terrible friend and roommate this whole time.

Congrats to everyone finishing up their school years btw!!

So this was my first year teaching, in a hellish middle school in a hellish district that I am very happy to report I will not be going back to next year. Yesterday was my last day of school and I decided I would take a few days to a week to unwind before I start prepping to teach at my new school in the fall.

And god, am I bored. I worked out, cleaned, read about 100 pages of my book, went out, got my first massage ever, went to the store, went to a cafe, read some more, went for a walk, came home, made dinner, scrolled on my phone, and it’s now 8 pm and I am BORED. I genuinely don’t know what to do with myself. It’s not for a lack of hobbies or social circles , I have both, and intend to engage with them over this break, but I just feel like I have nothing to do and everything I am doing isn’t satisfying me.

Is this a normal post school year teacher thing? Am I just still wound up from the year? For what it’s worth during the massage my mind was racing with things I needed to do and 100-mph thoughts. What do yall do to relax a bit without feeling bored and restless??

Typing this quickly before work but I’m a 27F French teacher in the US who landed my dream job at a super prestigious school.

I’m excited…but also nervous. I think my French could be way better and I’d like to be able to improve it as much as I can.

J’aimerais donc trouver quelqu’un avec qui je puisse régulièrement échanger en français et qui pourrait m’aider à corriger mes fautes et m’enseigner de nouveaux mots et de nouvelles façons de dire les choses.

Je serais ravie d’offrir de l’aide en anglais en échange.

Merci et j’espère pouvoir bientôt communiquer !!