u/testdrivenothinn

I just moved into an apartment complex with 2 girls, both I met on facebook. One has been living in the current unit for 3 years now, but me and the other girl are new and replacing her previous room mates that left.

I moved in last week. The other new girl just started moving in yesterday. Our unit is on the ground floor, however, our windows are slightly elevated off the ground. However, if someone (especially a tall-er male) really wanted to, I don’t have a doubt they could use a chair or something to get in. Even today, we had a maintenance man come by to put a screen on one of the windows, and all he needed was a lawn chair to get up on in order to reach the window and install the screen. For reference, my roommate’s window is even closer to the ground than that one.

We have a back yard, which has a tall fence and shrubbery. Directly behind it is an alley that leads to the street and faces the backs of other homes. Our complex is an indoor-outdoor layout essentially meaning someone could walk inside the structure from the street but each until itself is locked individually and it the architecture of the structure gives an illusion that it is more secure and private than it really is tbh. I originally thought there was no way anyone could possibly get into our yard from the street, but I recently discovered there are multiple doors throughout the complex’s indoor/outdoor design that lead into the yard. TLDR; building seems secure from outside, but if someone did a little poking around, they could end up off the street and into the exact yard this window is facing without needing a key or to break into anything.

Here’s the kicker: I was putting a maintenance request in last night through our management company’s online portal, and realized I am able to see the previous requests put in by all the other (and previous) tenants that have lived in our specific unit. I was curious to see the history and found a request barely over a month ago that a homeless man had gotten into our backyard from the alley (not even the street) through a hole and was sleeping in the yard. The request was that there were “openings in the fence” that needed to be repaired.

The last 2 nights, the new room mate has come by during the day to move things in and then goes back to her current house to spend the night (she lives in a nearby neighborhood but is moving here). Her lease has already started here but her old one isn’t done yet so she’s taking her time with the move. Both days, she opens her windows, leaves them open, and goes home. They are not just cracked; they are very clearly open, and someone from the back alley and/or yard would be able to see this.

This is a very urban area. To be frank, it’s one of the biggest cities in the US. It’s making me a bit stressed that she is under the illusion our apartment is completely secure just because our windows are elevated and not actually “ground-level” (despite being on the first floor) and we have a fenced in yard, when there are other entry points that can (and have) been used by non-residents to enter.

I barely know her, but last night, and tonight, I went into her room after she left and closed and locked them. This is something I greatly debated doing because I felt that it’s an invasion of privacy, but I think it’s inherently reckless leave them like this, even if she’s just airing out the room (which is my assumption as she also left a fan running in the room overnight, which i guess is a whole other thing in itself hahaha). I completely know and understand that this is unintentional, and I’m not angry about it or anything, but I just got a bit anxious. Both times I get up and open the windows before she returns so she doesn’t know I’ve done this. I don’t really feel too weird about it because the room is still pretty much empty and doesn’t have many personal belongings in it. I barely know her, we’ve only met in person one time before this and I’ve been out of the house during her move-in hours. I don’t want to start off on a bad note. AITA?

EDIT: after just opening my own bedroom window, i realized they have stoppers on them anyways and don’t open past a certain point. that makes me feel so much better and honestly dumb for doing that. i guess now i feel like i don’t really need to talk to her or the other girl about this anymore because leaving them open isn’t actually as serious of a risk as i initially thought. leaving this open for constructive criticism because it is still helpful for me

I moved into a new apartment five days ago with a girl I met through Facebook. She told me she had already been living here for about three years. I know five days is an extremely short amount of time, which is exactly why I’m questioning whether I’m overreacting, but I already want to move out. It isn’t because of one massive incident. It’s the number of issues I’ve noticed almost immediately and the realization that this may not be a living situation in which I’ll ever feel comfortable.

Before moving in, my roommate described herself as clean, and when I toured the apartment, it did look very clean on the surface. In my initial post on Facebook and in every tour / meet-up I did, I stressed that while I’m not OCD or “strict” (I’ve had a terrible room mate in the past like this) about a few dishes / glasses in the sink, stuff sitting in the living room etc, but I am clean and looking for the same. Since arriving, however, I’ve realized that we have very different standards when it comes to trash, food, dishes, appliances, and cleaning up after ourselves in shared spaces.

When I moved in, her dry laundry was already sitting in the dryer. It remained there for another three days until I finally took it out and folded it myself. There was also an entire clean load of dishes in the dishwasher that she had run before I moved in. I had not used a single dish, but after everything sat there for three days, I ended up unloading the whole dishwasher myself. The trash was already filled to the brim with her trash when I arrived, and after four days, I finally took that out too. When I opened it, flies came out.

She thanked me for folding her laundry, but didn’t acknowledge that I had also unloaded her dishes and taken out the trash she had filled before I even lived there. It makes me uncomfortable that within my first few days of living here, I was already cleaning up several things she had left sitting there since before I moved in.

The dishwasher itself also has a very strong, dirty odor and mold surrounding the edges of the door. When I removed the filter, it was completely covered in old food, and there was murky water pooled underneath it where it should have been draining. It looked like it had never been changed. Like ever. I scrubbed the filter, soaked up the water, removed everything from the dishwasher, and ran a cycle with two pods specifically designed for cleaning dishwashers. It still reeks, and the smell is lingering on the dishes afterward.

My roommate acknowledges that she can smell an odor, but says she doesn’t find it “unpleasant.” I don’t think it’s normal or sanitary for clean dishes to come out smelling dirty or even just noticeably weird. I don’t know.

There have also been small fly/gnat-like bugs in both the kitchen and bathroom. I found multiple dead inside the fridge and even one inside the Brita 🥲😣 (along with mold linings the Brita as well, but I know that can be hard to manage with those). The fridge is just overall gross in general with food stains and she doesn’t use saran wrap or foil on anything, doesn’t even keep it in the house. I really do not like bugs. The bathroom window and back door leading into our garden space are regularly left open, even though neither has a screen. My roommate continues leaving them open despite bugs getting inside and genuinely doesn’t seem bothered by having insects in the apartment, including mosquitoes.

I submitted a maintenance request to have screens installed and have now spoken to her a few times about trying to keep the window and door closed as much as possible until that happens. I was very understanding and assured her I don’t mind anything being left open and don’t want to tell her she can’t open her window anymore because that’s not acceptable, but just until we get a screen on them try to be a little more mindful. I even told her how much I hate bugs and acknowledged it’s just a personal preference of mine and Id be thankful if she could be understanding of it. Despite that, she continues leaving the back door wide open for extended periods, even after watching me close it multiple times. She also leaves the bathroom window open when she isn’t even home.

I understand that none of this necessarily makes her a bad person. She seems much more relaxed about mess, bugs, and the overall condition of the apartment, whereas those things seriously affect my ability to feel comfortable in my home. It may simply be a major difference in how we prefer to live, but it’s a difference I discovered almost immediately after moving in.

The upstairs neighbors are another issue. They’re extremely loud late at night and often throughout the day. honestly, it’s anytime they’re home. It’s only quiet when they leave. They stomp and run through the apartment at all hours of the day and night in boots and heels, talk extremely loudly, scream, blast music, slam doors and drawers, and constantly drop things, or at least I assume that’s what they’re doing, bc the impact from below genuinely sounds like cannonball explosions. Before moving in, I specifically asked my roommate whether the walls were thin or there were noisy neighbors, and she said no to both. To be fair, I believe these girls only moved in this past week, so my roommate likely had no way of warning me about them.

We’ve already tried speaking to the upstairs neighbors in person. I went to a party school for college, and I can confidently say this is worse than any living environment I experienced there. They have been partying and loud until at least 2AM but sometimes later, every single night since I moved in (4 days lol but still). This is happening on weeknights as well, but apparently they went to a concert that night so I guess I understand that a bit more.

Obviously, the upstairs neighbors aren’t my roommate’s fault, but they are part of the overall apartment environment I would be choosing to remain in.

What makes this especially stressful is that I begin an accelerated BSN program this Monday. It is an extremely demanding nursing program, and I need a clean, quiet, stable environment where I can sleep and study. I don’t want to begin the semester already sleep-deprived or spend my very limited free time cleaning up after someone else and dealing with apartment problems. Discovering all of this within days of starting my program is making the situation feel much more urgent than it otherwise might.

There have also been several situations in which I’ve felt like my roommate inadvertently undermined or dismissed my ideas. This has happened regarding where I leave my suitcase and other smaller household matters.

For example, while I was awake because of the upstairs neighbors, I messaged her and suggested that the following day, we could leave a respectful note on their door. I thought a written note might work better since speaking to them in person hadn’t landed. I even suggested possibly including flowers to soften the message and make it clear that we weren’t trying to be hostile. I drafted the note, told her we could change it however she wanted, and asked for her thoughts.

She responded, “That’s a great message. Let’s figure out a time we can talk to them tomorrow.”

I know that response sounds chill, and I don’t think she was intentionally trying to control me. What bothers me is that she doesn’t seem actually acknowledge or discuss my suggestions. She simply replaced it with speaking to them in person again and phrased that as what we were going to do. I would have felt completely differently if she had said, “I like the note, but I think it might be better to speak to them again. What do you think?”

This type of interaction has been recurring. It often feels like she talks at me rather than to me. When I suggest an idea or say that I plan to do something, her response frequently feels like, “Nice idea, but no,” without genuinely acknowledging or considering what I said.

It’s difficult to describe because her delivery is gentle and pleasant rather than openly rude. It almost feels like being gently parented: she redirects me toward what she considers the correct approach in a way that sounds suggestive, but still feels assertive and belittling. I’ve never really had someone speak down to me this way before, and it leaves me feeling like my input is being managed rather than seriously considered.

I think I’ve realized within five days that our living styles may be incompatible, while also feeling like my ideas aren’t always heard when I try to address problems.

I know the individual issues could potentially be fixed. The dishwasher can be inspected, screens can be installed, the neighbors can be approached again, and I can talk to my roommate about cleaning up. But it feels overwhelming that I’ve only lived here for five days and there are already this many things that would need to change or be negotiated for me to feel comfortable especially when my accelerated nursing program begins Monday.

Am I overreacting for already wanting to start looking for other apartments and move out?

Fucking airheads sub took this post i made down bc it “mentioned an ex?” wtf? she’s literally with ricky NOW.

ANYWAYS…

There are SO SO many parallel lyrics on “never get over me” specifically that tie back to Dangerous Woman, and a particular person it seems…

“Blame it on the moon or on the tides”
—> Moonlight

“The grass is way greener (Mhm-mhm)
Since I been beneath ya (Mhm-mhm)”
—> Dangerous Woman: “all girls want to be like that, bad girls underneath like that”

“So don't hold your breath now (Mhm-mhm)”
—> Thinkin Bout You: “Got me losin’ my breath”

“I won't let you forget how I feel”
—> Thinkin Bout You: “Got these thoughts in my head
Ain't no way to forget”

“I know it's tempting to be
In such close proximity to
Something so sweet”
—> Moonlight***: “***Sweet like candy, but he’s such a man”

“You'll be dreaming bout the taste of me
But look, at least you'll have the memory”
—> Thinkin’ Bout You: “But at least I’ll have the memory”

“The vision is crystal clear”
—> Jason’s Song: “Those who block my vision”

[Outro]
“Oh (Mm)
Fa-la-la-la-la (Mm)
La-la-la-la-la (Mm)
La-la-la-la-la (La-la-la-la-la)
Oh (Mm)
Fa-la-la-la-la (Mm)
La-la-la-la-la (Mm)
La-la-la-la-la (La-la-la-la-la)”

—> Sometimes Outro:
“[Outro]
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
Not even sometimes, not even sometimes
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la”

I have really really tense shoulder muscles- everyone (in terms of doctors, acupuncturists, massage therapists, and injectors that have touched them) says they are so so tight, almost bricks.

This definitely comes from years of working from home, bad sleep positions and posture in general. I have a lot of stress.

I tried traptox, this was last year, I didn’t notice much of a difference but I also did a minimal amount and went to only one injector one time. I’ve heard this is a life changer.

had my first acupuncture and cupping session last week with a new acupuncturist, and i’m going back next week. she seemed pretty hopeful! the last acupuncturist i had didnt seem to be very confident in being able to help and i did maybe 5-6 sessions with her and didn’t see much improvement (this was last year, i recently got new insurance and am able to go again)

i have my second session with a chiro tomorrow, he said at our first that my upper spine had a decent forward curve but is not beyond repair especially because i’m only 26. last year i began physical therapy but tbh shortly after went through a really stressful and depression situation that knocked me off my feet a bit and made me not want to go to that (or really anything) at all for a while so i quit way too early and id also like to start that again

my shoulders are hunched forward so badly and my neck hump / forward posture, it is physically noticeable. i’m so insecure about it it has become one of my biggest insecurities. pls help me

I have been accepted to an ABSN program in California. It is a highly regarded and accredited program (only mentioning this to clarify it’s not a degree mill school) and it is 90k. I am not interested in people telling me not to go, I want to attend this school.

I have received 12k from FAFSA. I am looking into private lenders and need advice from other nursing students. I have a credit score over 700 and a co-signer (if needed) who also has good credit.

for my california nurses / students, should i go mount saint mary’s los angeles ABSN or university of san diego direct entry masters. these are the 2 schools im choosing between, and im not looking for advice telling me
to apply to less expensive programs.

I have been accepted to an ABSN program in California. It is a highly regarded and accredited program (only mentioning this to clarify it’s not a degree mill school) and it is 90k. I am not interested in people telling me not to go, I want to attend this school.

I have received 12k from FAFSA. I am looking into private lenders and need advice from other nursing students. I have a credit score over 700 and a co-signer (if needed) who also has good credit.