u/gaymickeymouse7

Im 22 and grew up in upstatr new york with a lot of friends and family who will say theyre not racist but definitly are. I was activly racist growing up. Started to unlearn it in my teenage years. Got super into activism and thought i was then less racist than my peers. Now i share community with black people and am even married to a black femme who i love very much but they tell me that due to my upbringing and the way ive been socialized in predominantly white and racist communities that i am still racist and that the way i treat them and our friends are different from how i treat my white friends. Even just the way i think about things are due to a colonial structrue and im very transactional. They want to work through this with me but i dont want to put all that emotional labor onto them. How can i do better and unlearn the last 2 decades of programming ive endured? I just dont want to be stuck in a world view that i disagree with and will only negativly effect the way i go about interacting with the world, what can i do?