What can I do about my crippling depression?
I am a new student (22F) in Toronto from Dhaka. Ever since I moved here, I feel as if the life that I imagined myself of having is a total lie. I feel my soul tearing apart as the illusion of free life is being stripped away from me. I miss my family a lot but I do not want to see them. I complete my daily tasks just fine but the smallest task feels like a drag. I cannot afford a therapist, I'm broke and have no job. Everything is tiring and nauseating. I was dizzy for a bit and I assumed it was a huge earthquake and I didn't move my legs saying if the house broke down I hope every brick falls on me as the end might be better than this. That's when it hit me that I don't genuinely mind leaving this world, worse I might even help myself do that. It is indeed a cry for help. Nothing is pulling me. Not even the love I have for my family. Nothing is distracting me. Nothing is just right. I can't live in the moment. I'm tired. I'm weak. Suggestions that can help for free would be greatly appreciated.