u/girliepop1172

my boyfriend is really understanding over the whole no penetration sex and he doesnt pressure me, but i think my brain has associated oral, handjobs etc with penetration and therefore pain. i do sometimes like it, but i dont like initiating, and i dont really know how. im anxious and possibly autistic (currently exploring). i feel really bad that im not giving him anything. i dont push myself to do anything and its a bit of a problem

i’ve just recently seen a few posts about cbd helping with vaginismus and general anxiety. is it worth trying?

vapes/oils/creams?

specifically if you’re seeing results

so far only 1 of my friends know that i deal with vaginismus, my boyfriend too obviously. im really close with my mother and i’d love to reach out to her about it because honestly i’m struggling for money for physio and therapy. i’ve recently moved abroad so the convo would be over text/call but i don’t know how to start it aghh

we’re close but sex isnt something that was spoken about much growing up, especially not in my irish household lol

i dont want to say “me and my boyfriend cant have sex”💀 how did everyone else tell their family , if they even have?

I have a boyfriend and I genuinely want to be more intimate with him, but I often find it really difficult to get in the zone mentally.

We’re pretty affectionate and physically close. I really love cuddling, kissing, making out, holding hands, all that stuff. I also get turned on too, but I just get really embarrassed at the idea of making any noise at all, and I get in my head so badly

I find that intimacy just feels like a lot of effort. It’s not that I’m not attracted to him or that I don’t want him, because I do, but a lot of the time I just don’t feel like it, especially if i’m tired or mentally drained

I also feel bad because he used to initiate it most of the time at the beginning of our relationship, and now that he isn’t as much, there isn’t really much happening because I’m feeling insecure and unsure of how to start things naturally. He’s my first real relationship, so I don’t have much experience, but I think I’ve built up this awkwardness around it, and it does not need to be awkward

I’d like to try and involve him with my vaginismus treatment - massage, dilators, stretches, but I’m just really struggling to allow him to be with me in such a vulnerable moment. I know it is a bit ridiculous because we’ve been going out for a while. I guess I just feel faulty, almost, and it’s a bit difficult to shake that mindset.

My boyfriend and I have talked, and we have very clear boundaries that penetration is off the table and everything is at my pace, he’s really been great. He’s not pressuring me, so i don’t understand why I make this pressure up in my head and freeze when I’m trying to initiate anything. I just avoid it, and I feel really bad.

My therapist and I have been exploring autism too alongside vaginismus and its looking likely that i am autistic so that probably affects it partly

Does anybody have any tips on how to change that self-pressuring mindset? Or is it something that will just come from having more positive, pressure-free intimate experiences over time?
Were there specific things that helped you feel more connected to your body, more relaxed, or more interested in intimacy in general? Weed, maybe? I don’t know😭

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s experienced something similar.

im curious about the overlap between vaginismus and autism (or neurodivergence in general) and I’m wondering if anyone has had a similar experiences

I’ve had about 5 pelvic floor physiotherapy sessions so far, and today I had my second counselling session. My therapist had me complete a few autism screening questionnaires, and it seems fairly likely that I’m autistic, no surprise lolll, but it has made me think more about how everything might be connected

I’ve always been a pretty anxious person. I notice i tense random parts of my body throughout the day and I spend a lot of time stuck in my head, even while being intimate with my partner

For those of you who are neurodivergent and have worked through vaginismus (or currently working through it), were there any specific things that helped you?
I already do physio, therapy, dilators, occasional stretching and a lot of journaling/talking through my feelings.

I’m curious about other strategies too like yoga, specific stretches (maybe im not doing good ones or enough of them), breathing exercises, mindfulness, maybe i need to be more accommodating to myself (regarding sensory stuff)

Anything else that helped you relax your body as a neurodivergent anxious person?
I’d love to hear what’s worked for other people, especially if you’ve noticed an overlap between your neurodivergence, anxiety, and vaginismus :)

after speaking to a therapist about my vaginismus, she told me she wanted me to complete some tests to find out if i was possibly autistic. she did also ask have i ever been on anxiety medication or anything to help calm my nerves

im naturally quite an anxious and tense person and honestly this news doesnt surprise me much. i’ve never been officially diagnosed with anxiety or anything but does anyone have any experience with anything like this? im wondering if i were to get an autism and anxiety assessment would that help my goal of curing vaginismus. im not sure if i’d go down the route of medications if i had an option but just curious if anyone has had any similar situations :)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years, and we've never been able to successfully have penetrative sex. this has affected the relationship in various ways, mostly because intimacy isnt really a thing for us anymore. my brain seems to thinks that any form of intimacy (aside from cuddling and a kiss) will lead to penetration, which is so painful that i’d rather avoid it altogether.

He's never pressured me into having sex, but I can tell that he's disappointed, and that breaks me because I can't give him that. We moved across the world together last year and i am going home soon and he wants to stay here (europe vs australia). so neither of us are sure if our life plans will work out together, especially as we’re both only young (22 and 25). its really heartbreaking as we really love eachother. does anyone have any tips or advice?

Hi everyone, i’ve just turned 22 and I've never been able to insert a tampon, and when I tried to have PIV sex with my boyfriend (and for the first time in 2024) it just wouldn't work. i started pelvic floor physio in march this year, have been using dilators, vibrators, heat, different lubes, massage, stretches, journaling and we just started couples therapy. but i haven’t been seeing any real obvious results. how often is everyone doing all these things? i feel so disheartened🥲 there's just so much guilt and shame that im feeling and I'm just really desperate to speed up the process, even though I know it's not exactly possible. But if anybody has any advice at all, that'd be so greatly appreciated