u/girlywiththepearly

First things first, and I'm sorry if my points don't seem fully fleshed out, I feel like I've spoken about these points so many times my brain has been fried haha. I am constantly just thinking about religions and feel 'burnt out' so if my exhaustion comes through please forgive it.

Regarding 4:34:

"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand."

I have grown up with the explanation that this is merely a tap with the miswak. This is the explanation also provided by Sheikh Assim Al-Hakeem. I was also informed that the Prophet himself has never beat women, however, coming across multiple haadiths, it seems that this 'tapping' explanation does not actually hold up.

First, according to this haadith, Reference : Sunan an-Nasa'i 3964 In-book reference : Book 36, Hadith 26, indicates that the Prophet did indeed strike Aisha.

"Shall I not tell you about the Prophet and I?" We said: "Yes." She said: "When it was my night when he" -meaning the Prophet- "was with me, he came in, placed his shoes by his feet, lay down his Rida' (upper garment), and spread the edge of his Izar (lower garment) on his bed. As soon as he thought that I had gone to sleep, he put his shoes on slowly, and picked up his Rida' slowly. Then he opened the door slowly, went out and shut it slowly. I put my garment over my head, covered myself and put on my Izar (lower garment), and I set out after him until he came to Al-Baqi', raised his hands three times and stood there for a long time. Then he left and I left, he hurried and I hurried, he ran and I ran, and I got there before him and entered (the house). I had only just laid down when he came in and said: 'O 'Aishah, why are you out of breath?' She said: 'No.' He said: 'Either you tell me or Allah, the All-Aware, All-Knowing, will tell me.' I said: 'O Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you;' and I told him the story. He said: 'You were the black shape I saw in front of me?' I said: 'Yes.'" She said: "He gave me a shove in the chest that hurt me and said: 'You thought that Allah and His Messenger would be unfair to you.' She said: 'Whatever people conceal, Allah knows it.' He said: 'Yes.' He said: 'Jibril came to me when you saw (me leave) but he did not enter upon you because you have taken off your garments. So he called me but he concealed himself from you, and I answered him, but I concealed it from you. I thought that you had gone to sleep and I did not want to wake you, and I was afraid that you would feel lonely. He told me to go to Al-Baqi' and pray for forgiveness for them.'" 'Asim reported it from 'Abdullah bin 'Amir, from 'Aishah, with a wording different from this."

When speaking to my Sheikh regarding this and asking for an explanation, I apologize for saying this, but he lied to me, claiming it is a mistranslation and that the correct translation is that the Prophet 'merely placed his hand on her chest and she felt it'. However, prior to my meeting with the Sheikh, I put the Haadith in a translator and and the translation is more jarring than what is actually presented on Sunnah.com which is "Then he struck me on the chest, a blow that hurt me, and then he said, 'Did you think that God and His Messenger would wrong you?". Hence, this made me reevaluate and realize that you are indeed allowed to beat your wife, perhaps until no visible wounds appear, but you are most definitely allowed for it to hurt her. I was up recently at 2 am, it sounds so silly, trying to slap my own arm to see how much pressure do I have to put before a wound appears. Despite restraining myself, because naturally your own body does not allow you to cause physical harm to yourself, I was not able to see redness appear but the pain was definitely felt.

As Muslims, we are taught that Prophet is the 'walking Quran', thus, coming across specific Haadiths has forced me to reevaluate what I have been taught regarding the standard narrative of the treatment of women in Islam. Please note, I attended an Islamic school from Grade 5-12 (1-2 year I did not attend due to personal reasons) and took Islamic history classes in University. My book collections contain a few Seerahs of the Prophet, and plenty of the various Muslim empires, and I spent 90% of my time devouring Islamic content online, so while I am definitely not the most knowledgeable, I have been described by others to know quite a bit.

Another Haadith that needs to be brought in question:

Narrated `Abdullah bin Zam`a:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "None of you should flog his wife as he flogs a slave and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last part of the day."

Reference	: Sahih al-Bukhari 5204
In-book reference	: Book 67, Hadith 138

Similarly, in this Haadith:

"The Prophet (ﷺ) then mentioned about the women (in his sermon). "It is not wise for anyone of you to lash his wife like a slave, for he might sleep with her the same evening." "

Reference	: Sahih al-Bukhari 4942
In-book reference	: Book 65, Hadith 463

I did not get a response from my Sheikh when I inquired why the Haadith did not end at 'none of you should flog your wife'. The haadith states do not lash your wife as you lash your slave. Moreover, why is the justification for not flogging your wife tied to physical intimacy? Why can't it be because she is your wife, because you love her, and care for her?

The Quran states that men are the protectors and providers of women - but how can God ordain man to protect women but also allow them to beat women?

I also want to clarify, a lot of the Haadiths and my points I bring in front of you are not recent discoveries, I knew almost majority of them of them growing up, and had flashes of doubts but would simply repress my thoughts as 'waswas', however, I cannot ignore them anymore.

Umar

There is also this haadith where Umar himself asked the Prophet for permission to beat their wives as they have become 'bold' as follows:

It was narrated that Iyas bin 'Abdullah bin Abu Dhubab said:

"The Prophet said: 'Do not beat the female slaves of Allah.' Then 'Umar came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, the woman have become bold towards their husbands? So order the beating of them,' and they were beaten. Then many women went around to the family of Muhammad,. The next day he said: 'Last night seventy women came to the family of Muhammad, each woman complaining about her husband. You will not find that those are the best of you.' "

Reference	: Sunan Ibn Majah 1985
In-book reference	: Book 9, Hadith 141

I asked my Sheikh, why did the Prophet ALLOW for the beating of women when Umar, the Second Caliph of Islam, asked for it. I was told in response 'but he said at the end those were not the best of men'. I then followed-up with why did he allow women to get beat in the first place? To which my Sheikh informed that some aspects were cultural norms, he then provided an example of how when he was younger, received beatings from his teacher. To which I responded that I was taught the Prophet came to teach us what is right and wrong, and that he is a role model for all times and places. I informed that there were many things that were part of the culture at that time, however, they were made haram - such as music and adoption. The response I got to this was the Sheikh's opinion on music.

I don't understand why certain things are justified using 'cultural norms' at that time when we clearly see that the Prophet did change elements of the culture that was ingrained into that society.

There is another Haadith:

Narrated `Ikrima:

Rifa`a divorced his wife whereupon `AbdurRahman bin Az-Zubair Al-Qurazi married her. `Aisha said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil (and complained to her (Aisha) of her husband and showed her a green spot on her skin caused by beating). It was the habit of ladies to support each other, so when Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) came, `Aisha said, "I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women. Look! Her skin is greener than her clothes!" When `AbdurRahman heard that his wife had gone to the Prophet, he came with his two sons from another wife. She said, "By Allah! I have done no wrong to him but he is impotent and is as useless to me as this," holding and showing the fringe of her garment, `Abdur-Rahman said, "By Allah, O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! She has told a lie! I am very strong and can satisfy her but she is disobedient and wants to go back to Rifa`a." Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, to her, "If that is your intention, then know that it is unlawful for you to remarry Rifa`a unless `Abdur-Rahman has had sexual intercourse with you." Then the Prophet (ﷺ) saw two boys with `Abdur- Rahman and asked (him), "Are these your sons?" On that `AbdurRahman said, "Yes." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "You claim what you claim (i.e.. that he is impotent)? But by Allah, these boys resemble him as a crow resembles a crow,"

Reference	: Sahih al-Bukhari 5825
In-book reference	: Book 77, Hadith 42

In this haadith, there is MUCH to breakdown, but focusing on the beating element. There is a woman who had come to show Aisha her wounds caused by beating from her husband that Aisha described as it being more green than her clothing. Again, this took place at the time of the Prophet himself. Why was I told that that disciplining was merely a 'miswak tap' and it cannot cause wounds? Moreover, what does the statement of Aisha imply, "I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women." especially when we look the fact that she saw it after the woman's wounds. Also note how this haadith also states 'it was the habit of ladies to support each other' after stating the woman came to show Aisha her wounds, does this then imply that women often got beaten and sought each others emotional support as you often see in Pakistan?

Upon seeing it, the Prophet did not make any comments to the husband regarding the wounds he inflicted on her. Again, if the standard narrative of the 'miswak tap - no wounds no broken bones' that we have been taught is the way to go about disciplining your wife, why did the Prophet not reprimand the husband for causing such a heavy wound that evoked this type of response from Aisha?

I can speak more and more on this, but what does it also say, that Umar asked for the beating of wives and then arguably carried the action out (also there are other instances where he hit slave women for donning the veil - a discussion of its own) and we are informed that he is one of the 10 Promised Jannah? What does it tell Muslim women? Are women not the creations of God Almighty?

My intention with this post is not to cause fitnah. I have taken my questions and searched online and took them to a respectable Sheikh and yet, my questions have not been answered. How many times can women be told 'it is out of context' knowing very well when there are aspects in other religions, Muslims do not give the grace of 'out of context'.