u/glock_tower

I think a lot of us would agree that Certified has been absolutely crushing it lately. There was a period of time where everything I bought from them crumbled into dust the moment I touched it, so I avoided this brand for a while until I started seeing reviews again. Luckily, the dryness doesn’t seem to be much of a problem anymore now that Ohio laws allow for higher moisture content. My faith in this brand has been fully restored after I bought a half oz of the last batch of kush face—that shit was absolute fire. Since there’s so many strains to pick from right now, I thought I’d try a bunch and let you guys know which ones stand out to me.

Sunnyside was running a deal for 4 jars of certified eighths for $100, so I ended up grabbing 6 jars since I couldn’t settle for just 4 😂 I can’t remember exactly but I think I ended up paying about 160 after tax for all 6 jars here. Solid solid deal. Now I’m gonna run through each of them as briefly as I can lol

LA BAKER SELECT - a staple strain from certified, the numbers on this jar were too loud to ignore. Nugs are big, bright, squishy, and glittery. The smell is gassy, peppery, and just a little bit sweet too. The interesting parts of the profile do get a bit lost in the smoke and you’re kind of just left with gas and some of that signature Certilizer taste as well. Effects are great though, nice heady high that doesn’t overwhelm. Really love this one.

BLUE TAMALEZ - a new offering from certified (or at least new to me). Nugs are super light and puffy. I’ll admit the outer leaves are a bit dry but not to an offensive degree. Smell is a bit muted but I’m getting some fresh herb and spice. Flavor is good, it’s got some of that caryo spice but it’s not heavy and woody like caryo tends to be sometimes. Definitely getting some of that Certilizer taste too though. If you hate that flavor you’re not gonna like this stuff lol but overall I enjoyed this. Nice chill hybrid that has a decent little buzz to it. This one is for sharing.

LARRY’S BREATH SELECT - profile wise this one was kind of a letdown. I expected way more funky smell and flavor but really I’m just getting nothing but Certilizer here. Lots of sugar leaf. Effects are SOLID though, this one is definitely a great night time smoke. I took one big rip just for the sake of this review and I am quickly feeling glued to my chair. I was almost bummed by this purchase until I smoked it 😂

MOONBOW - this one is also heavy on the Certilizer but I actually really enjoy it here?? Normally I’m a bit put off by the flavor but it actually seems to pair well with moonbow…it’s hard to describe but I’m sort of addicted to this stuff now. Not the heaviest indica but it’s very smooth and very chill. I’ll definitely be grabbing this one again.

HEADBAND 99 - this one was recommended to me by the budtender. I thought the numbers looked abysmal and he could tell by the look on my face, but he insisted that it was worth trying, and he was right. I’m very surprised by headband 99, it’s got a very pleasant sweetness to it, and the effects are true headband. Feeling lots of warmth in the forehead and behind the eyes. Definitely picking this one up again, especially if they can beef up the terps a bit more next time.

DIVINE INFERNO - easily the prettiest looking bud out of the bunch. These nugs are glittery af and they have these little licks of purple sprinkled throughout too. The smell is incredible, it definitely has the classic dante’s inferno sweet, creamy, woody profile you would expect. I would wear this as a cologne if I could lol. Taste matches the smell and the effects are rock solid. This one is tied with Larry’s Breath for that knockout potency.

Ok so now that I’m high as fuck I’m gonna try to write some kind of neat conclusion here lol. I think the biggest disappointment was blue tamalez sadly, it didn’t really have a whole lot interesting going on. I was most pleasantly surprised by headband 99, I’m definitely hoping they bring that one back and work on it some more. Headband 99 Select would go hard. And I think if I had to pick one indica out of the 3 I got, I would have to give this one to Divine Inferno for overall enjoyment. Hope my ramblings have helped you guys with any picks you’d like to make yourselves, thanks for reading!

Clickbaity title forsure but I wanted to share since I feel like these are criminally underrated. Grabbed these from bloom on seven mile for 30% off, which brought them down to $22 a piece before tax. Not fucking bad!!!

Zest Fest is a very citrusy, very buzzy 88 percenter with high terpinolene. My fiance loves sativas and buzzy fruity strains and she is absolutely addicted to this one. I’ll have to pick one up each time I see it from now on 😂

Garlic Drip x Garlic Juice is the one I’ve been enjoying to myself more and it also smacks. It’s funky and savory, leaving much more of that garlic in the aftertaste much later after the exhale.

I’m normally a flower guy all the way, but I like to keep a vape around when smoking isn’t always an option. I couldn’t be happier with these. Highly recommend!!

Woodward just keeps cranking out these new R&D strains left and right. I’ve seen kaleidozoap, I’ve seen sundae zoap, but I don’t believe I’ve seen this one yet—at least not in the places I usually look. Got it from sunnyside for 25% off, so $59 for the 5.66g (robbery I know, but my curiosity always gets the best of me.)

The terps on this aren’t insanely high, but high THC content from woodward usually means it’s a heavy hitter, and this batch sits at 27.4%, so I wanted to give it a shot.

The smell of this stuff is interesting, it’s got some musky dankness to it upfront with a light sweet berry note hidden in there as well. It’s a bit muted but I like it. These nugs are typical woodward nugs; big, chunky cones that shine with trichomes and stick to everything they touch. Looks and feels great.

The taste is also a bit muted unfortunately, but I love it when it comes through. Light, sweet cherry flavor with a hint of herb/chem. I really wish this batch was stronger but I’m sure they’ll double the terps on the next run like they did with the last several releases 😂

The effects of this strain are where it gets a bit weird. It doesn’t give much of a head rush, but you feel it working in your head immediately if that makes sense. It’s not super buzzy or super heavy, but it is very hazy. I personally am uncertain if I love a strain that makes me feel like I’m walking through a smoke screen wherever I go, but it is a unique experience to say the least, and unique experiences are rare for me these days lol

If this is only a taste of what’s to come, then I’m looking forward to the next drop of cherry zoap. If this is as good as it gets though then ultimately I’m kind of let down. I have high hopes for this one though. Save your money for now but keep an eye out!

Out of all the premium brands in the Ohio program, I think it’s a fair assumption to say that Galenas is one that puts out product of some of the most…variance, if you wanna put it that way. I had honestly begun to lose hope in this brand after buying flavorless, odorless Fey Fire and a bag of Willy Ocean that crackled into leaf shards the moment I started handling it. Nonetheless, they always find a way to pull me back in with their unique offerings, so I took a trip to Bloom on Seven Mile and grabbed a few different bags—one I’ve had before, and two I haven’t. Gonna try to keep each review a bit brief here lol

COOKIES N’ CHEM - I had this one in the form of a tenth a few months ago, and I remember telling myself I would grab a half oz of it if it came back around. I’m bummed at the amount of popcorn and sugar leaf in this bag but the buds otherwise look good and feel gooey. The smell is straight up gassy chem with a nice bright herbal note added in, almost mint-like. The taste is a bit lacking but still has that cool chem thing going on in the aftertaste, and the effects are solid too. It feels euphoric without being overly buzzy. Definitely a bag to be shared with the homies, a solid purchase here.

LEMON BATTER - Every now and then I allow myself a little dummy purchase where I buy some overpriced shit in the name of curiosity. Grabbing a tenth of weed that equates to $10/g after a 30% off discount is applied just because it’s 32% thc and has the word “lemon” in it definitely falls in that category. That being said, this stuff is headrush city. If you don’t like a real cerebral high that stays buzzy for a little while then you will hate this stuff. It’s very sweet too, almost more batter than lemon. Definitely gonna stretch this one out lol

AUREUN - Straight up caryo strain through and through. Smells and tastes a bit woody and a little bit sweet berry as well. Buds are super gooey and the high is very chill. At this point I am quite stoned and I probably should have spaced out my sampling a bit more so I could speak more in-depth here 😂 it is what it is lol. I like this new one from them, so if you dig a chill caryophyllene dominant strain then this one will be for you I think.

I threw away my receipt and the website hasn’t updated my order yet but I spent a total of 280 after tax and a few bucks to the budtender for these 3 bags as well as 2 cured resin 1g carts from meigs (which are also fire btw) so take that how you will. Anyway hope you enjoyed checking these out as much as I’ve enjoyed smoking them and rambling for you guys LOL see you all next time!

Clout King continues to impress me. If rebel was my favorite addition to the program in 2025, then clout king is easily my favorite addition in 2026. I haven’t seen this strain from them yet, and zips on glenway had a half oz of it in smalls (which they lovingly name “Cloutlettes” and I gotta say—it’s a pretty fun name 😂). It was going on sale for $99, so I had to snatch it up. Clout king has notoriously taken the spot for newest most expensive brand, with their 3.5g jars weighing in at a whopping $56 at full price. If paying a bit less than twice as much gets me 4x that amount, then I’ll take it!!

AHZ is an abbreviation for Airheadz, so this is yet another candy strain. Personally I love candy strains, even if they’re the most overdone strains in the program. Thankfully I’m not burnt out on them yet, and I’m stoked to try one from this brand.

The smell is amazing. I can only describe it as dank. Sweet, earthy, dank. This is a very nostalgic smell, it reminds me of that type of shit I used to walk in the hood with my buddy to get. We had no business walking around where we did other than to get the good stuff LOL

The bag appeal is honestly pretty great! I’m surprised! The smalls in this bag are about the same size as the whole buds of hood snacks I got from them. I’ve gotten several 1.5-2” nugs in here, so even as a bag of wholes I really wouldn’t have been disappointed by it. The nugs are frosty as fuck with lots of dark purple sprinkled throughout. I don’t think I’ve gotten a bag of smalls of this quality from the program yet, now that I think about it.

https://share.confidentlims.com/samples/public/share/169e19b5-7a85-4e1b-83b9-c026afdefda6

COA tells me that the moisture level sits right under 11%, which as long as it’s not bone dry (it’s not) then I’m satisfied there 👍

The taste is exactly how I was hoping—very candy forward sweetness immediately followed with a musky dank aftertaste that lingers as long as you let it live there.
The effects are also great. Slightly buzzy upfront with a super mellow high that has me feeling loose and relaxed. I don’t think this stuff has me quite knocked on my ass like hood snacks or big league wagyu did, but this is still a very chill indica. This is one of those “good for any time of the day” indicas if you know what I mean.

Whenever you see a bag of cloutlettes going on sale, I recommend grabbing one up. They don’t sit around for very long either. Looking at every factor combined—the price, looks, smell, taste, and effects; I’m a very happy customer with AHZ. Definitely worth a try!! But only when you see this deal specifically 😂

Been curious about this strain for some time now. Bloom in seven mile finally had it in half oz. I grabbed it on sale for $99, not bad! 👍

Truthfully I’ve had overall good experiences with the strains I’ve tried from standard wellness brands (in particular T&B and clout king) even though the consensus in here seems to be that standard wellness is trash lol. I’ll keep trying them out until I’m seriously disappointed and then I can quit buying from them for good I guess 😂

This stuff smells and looks very boofy. I looked up the genetics and apparently it’s a cross of Tangerine OG x Blue Dream. If you love sweet tropical citrus strains like superboof and super buff cherries but you wanna try something new then you’ll be stoked on this.

The bag appeal is a bit mixed—a good portion of it is small popcorns but there are some real pretty & chunky buds in here too. Sadly I don’t have a COA link for you guys, but the moisture is decent and the buds are vibrant and frosty, so the cure seems quite alright to me!

The taste is great, the buzz is even better. For sitting at 22% I’m actually pretty shocked at how much of a headrush this shit just gave me. It’s a hybrid but it definitely leans more sativa than superboof. I’d compare the high to grapehead. If you like buzzy strains then you’ll be hooked immediately, kinda like I am as of right now

If my goal was to purchase this bag in hopes that I’d be disappointed by it?? (weird goal I know) then I definitely failed my mission here. 😂 I enjoy tom & berry, and I enjoy tangie d—highly recommend!!

If you’re a myrcene lover like me, you probably help yourself to a nice bag of apples & bananas from time to time. It’s just one of those strains I can’t stay away from. Meigs county has a version I enjoy, and frosty bananas by woodward (A&B x Tropical Gelato) is in my top 3 favorite strains I’ve tried this year so far. I’ve had modern flower’s version of it before in the form of a tenth, and I remember enjoying it. Lo and behold—I browse bloom’s inventory and see an oz of it going on sale for 160 pre-tax. Paying $183 OTD for an ounce of some good whole flower is a deal I think most of us can get behind!!

Before anyone asks, the QR code doesn’t work and I can’t give you the COA info. Sorry. I can tell you all about it though 😂

Modern flower’s version of apples & bananas is heavy in myrcene, with this batch carrying a healthy 2.06 percent. If this stuff doesn’t melt your stress away, I don’t know what will. When I cracked this bag open, the room instantly filled with a dank, skunky, overripe fruit smell that has a little touch of peppery spice as well. You can just tell before you smoke it this stuff is gonna kick your ass.

The bag appeal is definitely there—these buds are all big, dense, and frosty, with licks of dark green and purple scattered throughout. Hardly any smalls at all, maybe like 3 or 4 little popcorn buds in the whole thing. The buds are also very resinous due to being loaded with terpenes, so I would use the grinder for this one forsure.

The one bad thing I will say about strains that are high in myrcene is that I can’t smoke them all day long. Eventually that peppery spice becomes too much and I’m coughing my lungs out just looking at it after a while 😂 and it’s evident in this batch as well. The smoke has a kick to it, but it’s a small price to pay for the fantastic flavor and effects you get out of it.

Apples & bananas is straight gas. The flavor is super earthy and musky, with just a little bit of fruity sweetness too. This stuff gives you that stanky kush breath that lingers in the back of your mouth and makes you smack your lips until it’s gone. Very addicting flavor for me personally, but if you don’t like stinky and musky then you’ll absolutely hate this shit lol

The effects are very nice and very quickly noticeable, which I love because it makes me feel like I got my money’s worth 😂 It hits like a truck behind the eyes immediately off the rip, which then works its way down into a sedative, calming chill. It’s relaxing, but not so much that it weighs you down and makes you wanna sit on your ass. I love how this stuff makes me feel.

Apples & bananas is a good, relaxing, shareable strain that I love and I will buy time and time again. Highly recommend!!

I saw a review for some bud from Eden’s Trees recently that left me rather impressed. I’ve been burned by this company a couple times, but I figured giving them another look while doing the usual inventory skim could be worth it and actually reveal a gem. Sure enough, I found one:

Super Star (Super Boof x Ohio Death Star)

Hold up now!! Could it be….the same death star I remember last smoking maybe about 15 years ago? And it’s crossed with one of my favorite modern strains? Alright then, this one was an instant purchase for me out of sheer nostalgia alone. I don’t care if it’s a bastardized version of what I’m hoping for, they got my money—$28 for the eighth at zips on glenway to be specific.

First impressions—the smell isn’t really what I was expecting. It smells sour and a bit grassy with almost none of the tropical notes you’d expect from the boof. Still, this nug looks impressive enough and it feels dense and sticky, so I’m remaining hopeful. Time to pack a bowl.

This bud has a strong, pungent, and earthy flavor. It’s that difficult to place “just tastes like dank ass weed” profile that every enjoyer of OG strains hopes for when they see a company using that kind of lineage in their product. After sitting with the aftertaste for a solid 20 seconds or so I’m finally getting some of that sweet citrus from the superboof I was expecting from the start as well. This is a very nice flavor and it is quite nostalgic for me.

Effects-wise this is an indica hybrid forsure. I was getting a good bit of buzziness after the exhale initially but this high that is slowly creeping over me is hazy, and it is heavy. It doesn’t have me immediately crawling for the nearest beanbag chair with a side of cheetos quite like the og death star used to do for me, but this is still a very familiar high and I am slowly feeling more of it by the second.

There are some seriously big shoes to fill by the local companies when it comes to taking on the landrace strains. Personally, I welcome this attempt by Eden’s Trees with open arms and I am not upset by this purchase in the slightest. Is it the same death star exactly like I remember? No, it’s not—but it’s some pretty damn good weed and it definitely knocked me on my ass. Will I buy it again? I might, if I see a half oz of it for a good price. Overall, I am very pleased with Super Star. Highly recommend!!

I have a soft spot for grassroots despite them being a corporate brand. I’ve smoked a lot of their smalls bags because the nugs are always big and I’m a sucker for big, pretty nugs. However, sometimes you’re trying to spend less and I’ve only heard good things about their shake bags as well.

I’m not sure why it’s taken me this long for me to buy some shake from this brand but I’m glad I did. These nugs are almost 100% all popcorn—some of them being over an inch big. The amount of actual shake in these bags is virtually none. This honestly looks better than some bags of whole buds I’ve gotten from other brands and I wish I was lying because I’ve spent a lot of money on other brands 😂 anyway I picked up a half oz of Tiki Cream and Mosa Kush Mints for $56 each at zips. Time to review the actual weed now lol

Mosa Kush Mints is a super misleading name because this shit reeks of straight up stinky cheese. This bag could not possibly smell more cheese-like even if I threw pieces of actual cheese in there. If you like funky cheesy strains then you are gonna absolutely love this stuff lol. The high it’s giving me is pretty strong and surprisingly quite buzzy. I like buzzy strains so I’m instantly hooked on this one. It’s like a slightly more mellow version of novarine if I could compare.

Tiki Cream is very sweet smelling with an herbal note that gives it a pretty unique character. The exhale is sour, woody, and sweet with a calming buzz that makes me feel like I can easily do creative work or just wind down and relax at the end of the day. Big fan of this one too truthfully.

For $56 per half oz, this stuff can’t be beat. I would obviously love to see more local growers competing at this price point but until then, grassroots takes the crown among the budget brands. The smalls are big and the shakes are smalls. The bud gets you high as hell. And it’s cheap. What more can you ask for? Highly recommend!!

Been seeing a couple posts for the RO version of this strain, so I figured I might as well contribute since we love to compare brands.

First impression right after ripping the bag open—the smell is very mild. Honestly kinda smells like hay a little bit which is unfortunate. I even kept it in a jar with a moisture pack for over a day now and it hasn’t improved. I’ve noticed some strains that are more limonene forward don’t always produce the most fragrant buds but this is just kinda sad lol

The buds seem to be cured nicely. They break down pretty easily in my fingers but it isn’t crumbling into dust. This is the just the right amount of moisture for a perfect joint forsure—it’s moist enough to hold shape but it’s not so gooey that it clogs your mouthpiece, and I really appreciate that sometimes tbh

The smoke is kinda harsh going down but only in the “high limonene” way and not because it’s dry or bad tasting or anything. It actually tastes quite nice. Definitely getting some savory funk from all that limonene. It’s also giving me a very nice buzz, it comes on with probably a 6/10 headrush that isn’t overwhelming at all, and it immediately mellows out into a nice, even, calming high. It’s very “zen” if that makes sense, I would smoke this right before going on a boat or walking through a garden or something like that lol. This is the kinda stuff you wanna pass around with your friends while you hoard the top shelf jars for your personal use later 😂

I think I paid 22 for the tenth, honestly can’t remember. I’m not necessarily over the moon with this purchase, but I’m not disappointed in it either. I wish it smelled and smoked better but the effects are obviously the most important thing, and it does deliver there. I’d give it a try if you’re curious 👍