u/gmcsierra888

This kinda ties into my last post of me knowing something yet still having to check on it. I know sit with the feeling of not knowing and let my body settle with it but that doesn’t bring me comfort. Example not getting a text back while he’s at work so checking his location while he’s at work but I don’t want to look I know someone in my last post said time and I do agree but idk how to just sit with it my brain knows I know but yet something in me needs to see.

I just started seeing this new guy and it’s been about a month he’s been really respectful we just kissed for the first time on Saturday when he asked me to be his girlfriend and I can’t stop checking his location or his snap score or wondering why he hasn’t texted me back when I know he’s at work I know a physical fact and my brain won’t listen to me and then it just starts making things up and I don’t want to take it out on him or say anything to ruin it so I’ve been very cautious.

Sunday night was the first time we spent the night together and we didn’t do anything but I can feel myself slipping he asked me at 6am when I was leaving to come back over tonight and I said yes obviously. And I don’t wanna be this person anymore but the only option they offer us is assisted suiside. He’s done nothing to me I have no reason not to trust him I’ve seen his phone we talk through out the day and I can know as many facts as there are and my brain refuses to believe it and I don’t know how to make it listen like it’s supposed to be the one knowing these things but instead it’s making up worse case scenarios that I know aren’t true and I don’t understand how I can know something and my brain be that fucked up and the same time. I’m not going to take it out on him he’s not the problem and hasn’t done anything wrong.

But my trigger is relationships I’m fine alone but my brain goes into favourite person mode and I can’t stop. I won’t take it out on him I want this to work. But idk what to do when I feel that way “oh go for a drive clean up your apartment, walk it out” my brain doesn’t stop and it won’t listen

It is now Tuesday afternoon and I am feeling better I did see him after fighting my brain that I wasn’t going to see him yes he was late and my brain was spiralling and I kept checking his location and his activity. I don’t want to be this person.

Since Sunday I’ve seen him after work everyday like he’s said and he’s the one asking me. I feel completely secure and know he loves me and wants to be around me but I don’t know how to make my brain to believe it.