u/godwhywontitend

Sometimes I feel like my partner cares more about his firstborn than the baby I just had. SK lives with their mother in another state and because his ex is the standard goldstar HCBM, he’s constantly catering to her to keep whatever little peace remains. The goalpost is constantly moving so I’ve stopped getting involved as much. I’ll simply ask how his phone calls go and that’s it. I try to be low maintenance and chill about her behavior, I even pretended to be ok with him leaving out of state to go to an event the first week we brought our baby home. I pretend to be ok and passive about things that disrupt my life because if I voice any concerns I’m accused of keeping him from his child or not embracing the stepparent role. The last time SK was here all I did was clean up and get excluded from everything and it almost ended the relationship because he admitted to neglecting me in favor of being a Disney Dad. All I wanted was to be included and treated like we were a unit.

SK wasn’t supposed to come for the summer- we had agreed that since HCBM said he’d only get three days instead of his usual week, we’d just wait until his granted holiday because it’s a 10+ hour drive to and from and because HCBM is uncooperative in meeting halfway and how she won’t let him see their kid if I tag along, even flying was out of the question. We had also agreed that since dealing with the new baby would be a struggle it was best to wait for the holidays, especially since my partner has shown he gets overwhelmed when I NACHO because his kid is just so high maintenance. I had to cut my maternity leave short by a month because it was unpaid and funds are low- lo and behold, HCBM hits him with “I’m overwhelmed and want a vacation, take SK.” My baby cries a lot, I’m a first time mom and despite loving them more than life itself, they’re a lot. This is where my anxiety comes into play. HCBM constantly antagonizes my partner in front of their kid because “he’s a piece of shit” for having another kid and she constantly refers to my baby as a “distraction” if she hears them cry or fuss. She alludes that all the attention is on the new baby now. I don’t know their kid that well, I’ve only met them twice in person. They’re practically a stranger. I don’t know what their mother has told them in regard to their new sibling, I don’t know how they are with other children. My partner has told me that they’ve even bullied their cousin. They’re used to being the center of attention. I won’t be there to constantly supervise, and since my partner is too trusting and careless at times, I’m scared something will happen to my baby. SK is also sick like all the time- Covid and strep this year alone- and my baby isn’t old enough for their vaccines yet. I’m holding so much resentment for my partner and even myself because this is a child I’m talking about. I know I shouldn’t feel this much aversion towards them. But every time I’ve brought up how I felt, he stays silent and then says this is my stepchild we’re talking about and how I sound like a bitch. I’m so tired and I don’t know what to do.