u/golddusttwoman7

This is a vent, but reflections on similar experiences are welcome.

I came out last year and left a long-term relationship with my best friend, the first person I ever felt safe with, and someone who is family to me. Virtually the only things that changed about our relationship over the last year is that I moved out of our home and we stopped attempting to be sexually intimate (bc we were never successful there anyway, obviously).

I was experiencing a new wave of grief a couple of months ago when I moved back into the house that I lived in when we started dating, the one I moved out of to move in with him. That lasted a couple of weeks and I worked through it.

Now, he’s started dating, and I’m happy that he is bc I have prayed for that even though I’m not religious at all. But man has it thrown me into a whole other level of grief. We’ve decided to take some time to have very little contact so we don’t make new people feel insecure for lack of understanding our dynamic. Remaining a part of one another’s lives is a non-negotiable for both of us, but obviously there has to be more of an actual separation than there has been bc not everyone sees relationships like we do and that’s totally okay.

There are virtually no other lesbians where I live, and the ones I do know of are weird MAGA people (make it make sense). I’m not even really interested in dating rn bc I’m getting my career off the ground.

I’m experiencing grief that our relationship has to change to make room for other people. I’m sad that someone else will easily be able to do what I tried for years to do, which is basically just be straight (or bi, which I thought I was til I realized I wasn’t). I’m in an in-between space; I have no apparent glimmers of the future as a lesbian living a happy, fulfilling life, so it feels like all I have is loss. My friends are empathetic but no one really gets it. He was the only person I felt truly understood what I was going through, and I no longer feel that it’s appropriate to discuss it with him at this point. We both need space to grow apart from eachother, but it sucks.

I’m just sad.

TLDR: Ex is dating again, I’m not; im grieving the safety of our relationship; I’m sad that I’m gay

I came out last year and broke off a 6 year relationship with (still) one of my best friends. We lived together and had long-term life plans. Breaking up was hard, but I was relieved because trying to have romance/physical intimacy with men had been such a significant source of distress for me since I started doing it. Being with a woman felt so much more authentic to me, and i didn’t have the usual panic attacks or feelings of emptiness during or after physical intimacy. My ex has been so supportive throughout the entire process, and it also made everything make sense for him, ie. our romantic/intimate blocks, the feeling that something was missing.

I moved out of our home together and in with a friend. Soooo much drama ensued because of the choices she’s making in her life and the people and situations that brought into my home. It was a significant source of stress for me, so I moved out a week ago and back into the place I lived in before I moved in with my ex. It feels like a time warp, and it’s really been fcking with me.

I live in a conservative, rural area and there are very few queer people here. When I first came out, I had plans to use my recently acquired masters degree to get a job and move to Atlanta and really immerse myself in queer spaces. I thought by now I’d be dating, exploring, building community, etc. Getting a job has been more difficult than I thought it would be. Now I feel isolated, and I feel like all I did was lose a relationship that, besides the sex and romance, was safe, reliable, and loving. My ex and I still hang out regularly, there are still no romantic feelings, but I still feel significant comfort with him. This anxiety I’m feeling is new, just arriving in the last week.

Internet content about lesbian relationships is making me anxious. My hetero friends talking about parts of their relationships that remind me of the safety and stability I had with my ex are making me sad. The thought of building the secure attachment I worked sooooo hard to build with my ex with someone else gives me anxiety.

I feel like I know nothing about myself. I thought things would be very different. This is mostly a vent but I guess I’m also wondering if other people experienced something similar.