I request your aid.
Context: Work setting. I’m (F)ENTJ, and the assistant of an (M)INTP a Doctor. We work very smoothly together, too well. My cryptonite is my *fawning response*. His seems to be not being able to give me clarity verbally(?). Please help both your INTP peer and your ENTJ bestie in high distress. I can’t tell what up or down anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There’s this slow-burn, weirdly charged dynamic for OVER A YEAR between us. At first I thought it was just my imagination. I also seem to be subject to ‘If you don’t verbally confess, I’m going to think that’s just your personality or I’m over thinking it’. I’m not trying to pursue anything because not only do we work together, but he’s not aligned with my faith/values and I don’t want workplace drama. This is non-negotiable.
At first he used to stare, A LOT. Over time he became more nervous/controlled around me, but yet ‘knows me’. Repeated tiny moments exist: accidental hand/finger touches, him standing close, me leaning in, me accidentally crashing into him, him hovering near my work area, small vulnerable moves from his end, but yet we haven’t gotten to conversation level(Except for short random small debates - I tend to win lol). We’ve had the most intense eye contact moments, following by blushing so hard we both avoid eye contact now, but we still drift towards each other physically. At work outings, he just ‘happens’ to end up right next to me, or sit next to me. However, anything he does, can be ‘deniable’. I feel like I’m in a situation where I’m in that toy you put on your finger with someone else, where the more you try to pull away, the tighter, closer, and more painful it gets.
I know I’m attracted to him, and my body language has probably given him those signs, even though I don’t want to open that door. I freeze when he gets close because I don’t want to reject him harshly, but I also don’t want to feed the situation.
What’s the cleanest way to shut down the ambiguity without embarrassing him or making work weird?
Now for the plot twist: I overheard he might have a fiancé, which would be wild and extremely disrespectful. But, key word is “might”. I don’t actually know anything about this man’s background - which makes it even more terrifying and confusing.
I’m begging for solutions. Because I was told to not flick his finger when he grazes mine, as it can cause him to like it instead? I’ve tried to ignore him before, and he got very moody and started to act weird. So I’m a bit afraid of the repercussions if I outright just tell him: “Hey, I want to keep it professional” . I asked the ripped maintenance man some questions one time, and then afterwards the INTP Dr. shows signs of jealousy? He made sure afterwards to thoroughly explain a work related concept to me even though he hardly ever speaks to me.
Should I just do nothing and wait?
Please halp me…