Well, it’s over.
My husband stopped taking his meds for anxiety and depression late last year, and everything started going to shit. He has a very stressful job so he’s just been white knuckling his mental health and self-medicating with drugs. We haven’t had sex in several months, I don’t even remember the last time. He hasn’t been affectionate, he hasn’t wanted to interact with me. He had a depressive episode several years ago, but we made it through because that’s when he started taking medication.
This morning he told me he wanted a divorce. I am devastated a little bit and relieved a little bit and hopeful a little bit. I never in 1 million years thought that we would ever break up. But he’s not the person that he used to be, and I prayed to anybody who would listen to bring my husband back to me, and it appears that the answer is no. But in my experience every time that the answer has been no to something I wanted it was because what was coming was beyond what I could want. It was for my highest good.
I don’t understand why he is so willing to accept this life and make these choices, but it’s not mine to carry anymore. I feel like I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop for almost a year. I’m ready for whatever’s next, with lots of lessons learned.