u/good-noodle-

Me and my spouse are in the process of deconstructing and have been for around a year. We are physically in, mentally out. Have any of you had or have the thoughts of being scared to leave because of something bad happening like cancer/sickness and it’ll be “because you left the truth”? I struggle with this so bad. That along with being afraid to leave because 90% of my family is still in the UPCI.

Has anyone else struggled with this? What did you do to overcome it?

Me and my spouse have been in the process of deconstruction for almost a year now. For me, it started with a Facebook post (oddly enough) from Berean Holiness. We are still physically in, mentally out.

I say all of this to say, I struggle so so bad with wanting out but being so scared if we leave if it will be a mistake and something bad happening to us and/or our health and it being “because we left the truth”.

I struggle with more things like 90% of my family still being in the UPCI but listed above is a big part of my worry.

Has anyone else struggled with this? How do you get over it?

The Apostolic Backslider…

One of the things I missed the most in my backslidden season was those powerful Apostolic services.

You know the ones.

Not every service is like that.
Some are heavy.
Some are soft and sweet.
Some are quiet moments in His presence.

But then there are those camp meeting services…

Where the anointing is so thick and the fire of God is so strong that people aren’t just clapping hands.

They are running aisles.
Dancing in the Holy Ghost.
Drunk in the Spirit.
Slain under the power of God.

Those services are not just emotional moments.

Those are victory rooms.

Battles get won there.
Chains break there.
Battle cries are released there.
Promises are remembered there.
Yokes are destroyed there.

And when I was away from God, remembering those services would pull on something deep inside of me.

I would ache for that anointing.

Because once you have felt that kind of Holy Ghost fire, this world cannot satisfy that craving.

Nothing replaces it.

I’m not against new music, so don’t twist what I’m saying…

But when I came back to church, I wasn’t looking for a soft little boohoo worship set.

I needed FIRE.

I needed the kind of anointing that reaches into a bound soul and starts snapping chains.

I needed the kind of atmosphere where devils get nervous.

I needed the kind of service where prodigals can ugly cry, repent, speak in tongues, dance, shake, and feel years of bondage start breaking off.

Because backsliders do not come back carrying nothing.

We come back carrying shame.
Addiction.
Regret.
Lust.
Bitterness.
Condemnation.
Spiritual warfare.
Mental torment.

There are YOKES on us.

And yokes are not broken by cute church.

They are broken by the anointing.

When a backslider walks back through those church doors, there is something inside of them that is silently begging:

“Please let me feel that fire again…”

Because we remember.

We remember what it felt like when it burned in us.

We remember speaking in tongues until our jaw was tired.

We remember dancing like David.

We remember travail prayer.

We remember when the power of God would hit and nothing else in the room mattered.

We understand what we lost.

And that understanding creates an ache that this world can never cure.

Curious if anyone else’s churches have just blatantly lied about what “Trinitarians” believe. We were always made to think that Trinitarians believe there are 3 gods and I accepted that. It wasn’t until the past couple years that I realized that isn’t what they believe. Anyone else have a story like this or something else you would wanna share?

Me and my husband are at the place we’ve felt like we’ve needed to leave for a year or so and it’s mostly me holding us back mainly because the majority of my family is still in the UPCI movement and I’m scared of how it will effect relationships with friends/family. He’s always been super supportive of me being in the movement. It’s just that recently we’ve both really started to question a lot of things/beliefs.

What made you decide it was time to leave? Also how did you tell the friends and family that bother you about it? I still love God and want a relationship with Him but I’m just stuck since this is all I’ve ever known and when I try to study I just get more confused.