Pipe down, sister! I gotta book a new act for tonight. Turns out that Liza Minnelli impersonator was really Liza Minnelli.

u/goodsoup_ — 6 hours ago

I understand that, Mr. Simpson, but according to our computer, your credit history is not good. It says here that you've been pre-declined for every major credit card. It also says you once grabbed a dog by the hind legs...and pushed him around like a vacuum cleaner.

u/goodsoup_ — 3 days ago

Homer, that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed blazer, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.

u/goodsoup_ — 6 days ago

we're all out of triple A's, so I'm going whittle down a couple of these D's.

u/goodsoup_ — 3 months ago