u/gr3mlin_g0rl

I struggle with self harm myself and someone I'm really close to me has evidence of self harm...He is going to therapy and I'm trying to show him how much I love and care about him. I'm just looking for advice, I haven't addressed it yet.

Hello everyone this is my first time posting on here... I'm 22 about to turn 23 in August. I was honestly ashamed of myself for still struggling with SH in my 20's. I've done it since as long as I can remember and started with picking scabs and escalated to cutting and burning in my teens.

I honestly hadn't done it in awhile only here and there during some really bad episodes. Less than a month ago my best friend committed suicide and I relapsed worse than ever before. I have a therapist and a good support system I feel like I wanted to fall into this. My friend was the only one who understood me, he was I could actually be myself around. This hurts so bad and I want it to hurt. And of course he was my best friend and I saw him nearly every day so the guilt is unbearable and I feel a need to punish myself. My friend and I would confide in our struggles with cutting so in a way... doing this helps me feel closer to him.

I'm scared of telling my therapist. I'm scared because I don't wanna stop and I'm not satisfied if they aren't severe enough. I have a doctor's appointment on the 16th and I'm thinking of cancelling it because I'm scared of being judged by my doctor (she can be judgemental at times I need a new one I know) and I'm scared that I'm gonna be forced to stop and I won't be able to share this with my friend anymore...