u/gracelesswonder

I've rewatched this show more times than I can count. It's a comfort when I'm sick and old and familiar when I'm overwhelmed. But I have never noticed this one momemt in the third season opener. It's the dinner to welcome Mrs. Levinson. They're discussing Violet having sent the Bransons the money for them to visit for the wedding.

As they're talking, Carson picks up Tom's napkin from the table and hands it to him to put on his lap, giving him the stink eye. I've never noticed it before and it gave me the giggles this evening.

Anyone else notice anything silly on a millionth rewatch?

I have a friend I will call A (she/her). Most of my friends, A included, are straight, and I (she/her, bi) was super excited when she started hanging out with a new friend group when she had kids. They're mostly queer and very cool and have been very welcoming to me, and I'm so happy to have more people like me in my life. I feel very comfortable around them for the most part, but A has been having an issue with one, who I shall call Z, and it's starting to give me the icks.

Z is she/they (uses she), nonbinary, and bi. She's very sweet, but has been making comments like, "One of these days, we're going to convince A she's queer." I heard it one weekend and Z gave me a kind of expectant look and I just laughed and said, "Good luck with that, because A's straight," or something to that effect.

Talking to A later, because that comment really bothered me, she has told me that Z will hold hands with A and make comments that make it very clear she would like to sleep with A, who is married, wildly straight (and yeah, she's sure and secure in this), and monogamous. Z admits openly that she is flirting, is not monogamous, is in an open marriage, and her husband is her first male relationship (Z is very sapphic, much more comfortable with girls).

I'm the queer friend A has had for over 20 years, so she asked me what I thought she should do. I asked if A thought she was queer and she said she was starting to wonder if Z noticed something she didn't, but that it was confusing because A believed she was straight.

For kicks, I had A take the Kinsey test, and as I predicted she scored a 1 (A experimented with kissing a girl in college and couldn't stop giggling the whole time because it was "silly," does not fantasize about women, and has no desire to be in an open relationship with anyone).

We talked about what that all means and I asked, "Do you feel straight or queer?" A said straight, no question, and that the idea of sex or a relationship with a woman is a huge turn off for her. I asked if she'd ever questioned her sexuality before Z brought it up, and A said no. She said it makes her very uncomfortable when Z makes comments or touches her, because she's just not into that and there's clear intent there.

My advice to A was to be honest, to tell Z that the physical contact and comments make her uncomfortable because she's straight and not attracted to Z, and that the conversation needs to happen sooner rather than later. If Z continued to push, I told A she has a right to say that pushing anyone to question their sexuality without any kind of solicitation, and so that you can get them into bed, is very uncool.

I guess what I want to know is, was that the right advice (again, army of straight friends, so I've got no one to ask), and is Z'd attitude as f***ed up as I think? It feels like Z is trying to queerify A for her own personal benefit, rather that to help A to some kind of awakening, and it makes me mad. Don't we need straight people? And what's wrong with being straight, if that’s what you are?