u/greedorlust

I’m 5’9, 140 pounds and about 15% bf in my opinion not exactly sure. I’m trying to get lean and finish what has been over a year of weight loss. I’ve been going to the gym regularly doing strength training which has tonned my body but I still don’t look as lean as I want. I have abs but they aren’t super defined and when I sit down i still have pudge and no abs, not super vascular either although it’s increasing in my arms.

My current goal is to get to 130 and then lean bulk but I’m struggling to lose this last 10 pounds and really tone my body. Im just not sure if I can get there at this point as it seems even if I lose a couple pounds I get right back to 140 area.

Me and my gf started dating in high school. We are both 25, I’m Mexican and she is Chinese but was born here in US. When we first stared dating in 10th grade I was not allowed to meet her parents cause they didn’t want her dating any black, brown or just non Chinese or white people. So for the first few years I lost track of the exact timeline now but I never met her parents. 

Eventually she told her parents about me (we are adults by this point) but I still wasn’t allowed to come over and she was not allowed to come to my house. But it was always kind of awkward given I know her dad didn’t want her dating someone my race and she had to convince him it was ok. 

So throughout this time we would either sneak to her house, just go to my house or stay in the car. We have even gone on trips and she has just lied to her parents and said she went with friends. 

Now fast forward to this last year her family invited me to a bbq but I didn’t attend and I eventually went to a family Christmas party they had. The event was fine and everyone was nice to me however since then my gf has been wanting me to come over more. 

But at this point it’s not that I don’t like them I just don’t really care to go there or be at her house after everything now that I’m 25. Even now if I go over we can’t smoke which we always do anywhere else, we can’t be in her room with the door closed or really just act normally. In addition her little brother has a gf who is white and they are allowed to sleep over and do whatever they want really.

So to me it just feels off and I don’t think I’ll ever feel fully welcome with her family. And after dating for 8 years and I’m content with that and have no desire to go there everyday just because her parents have decided that I should be coming over now. My gf now gets upset and trying to make me feel guikty by not going over to her hosue especially when I go to a friends house or anywhere that’s not hers and I just keep delaying it as I don’t care to go to hers and making excuses. 

So AITJ for this or am is the way I’m avoiding going there valid given the situation that happened?

In November me and my gf broke up after 9 years, I’m 25m and she is 24f. We were dating for nearly 10 years since hs and overall had a good relationship, I had planned to get her a ring and thought we would get married. However, we ended up breaking up in November because I wanted to take a travel contract to earn more money, this was 8 hours away by drive so we couldn’t really see each other and she said if I went she would end the relationship. 

Ultimately it was a chance to make 6 figures which I’ve never made so quick and I went anyways. Since we’ve been broken up we still had communication but I began sleeping with other girls and have enjoyed being single. But my contract is done now so I’ve been back home for a few weeks and have been spending time with my gf. 2 weeks ago she asked if we were back together and while I’ve had fun with her I told her I’d rather just keep things casually now.  

She then blew up on me and said I’ve been leading her on, used her for her body and was treating her like a whore. It got pretty bad with her crying and talking about our former plans for marriage and all this other stuff. 

I told her honestly I’m still not over the fact that she broke up with me and that I’ve started seeing other girls. I told her I still loved her but didn’t know if I could get over the breakup so it is best to just be fwb now and maybe thing will change in a few months or the future. She didn’t take it well but we still continued to hangout as fwb.  

This morning she just texted me to reconsider, and I basically repeated the same thing to which she said she won’t be my fwb and am acting like an ass. Now AITJ for this? She broke up with me and is now trying to force me to go back to our old terms when I’m not ready yet.