How do I learn to be myself?
I (31f) have spent almost all my life being who I needed to be to survive. I come from a small town up in the pnw in the us and I was the only one in dark clothes and getting into fights and generally was mean and aggressive. Lots of things happened to me by almost everyone around me, I’ll leave it to you to fill in the blanks. So I became just a mean, angry aggressive person. All dark clothes, dark hair/makeup and as intimidating as I could be. Which in my town was easy given how I was dressing. I’ve moved and have been attending therapy to help with all the trauma.
I’ve recently been trying more to be who I was when I was younger. Not age regression but liking colors, taking up space, not saying sorry for things that aren’t my fault. I’ve always dressed in black and baggy clothes. Never anything stylish or feminine. But I want dresses and introduce color into my life again. I don’t know what my body type is or what fits best or looks even halfway right or how to add color without feeling weird about it?
I’m a decade behind everyone else in their self journey. It seems like a near impossible task and honestly embarrassing a little. How do I start or where? I don’t have women around me that can help and still in a “smaller town” so we don’t have a lot of options beyond online shopping. I have ideas but no idea how to make it work..