Don’t know what to think
I (33F) been with my husband (36M) for almost 8 years. We had a baby 15 months ago and got married 8 months ago.
Sex has always been the weakest part of our relationship. It’s always been decent, but never great. But we are so compatible in so many other ways and I never thought it was that big of a deal.
We have talked about it intermittently. He has talked to me before that he watched too much porn as a kid and it was an issue for him but never felt like anything major until the last couple of years.
I went to look at the weather one morning and opened his phone to a secret Instagram account. I froze, closed it, and confronted him later that day. I didn’t see much other than one basically naked woman on the initial post of the feed. When I asked him about it, he said he used it to look at porn - which I have never had an issue with - but when the conversation had a brief break, he immediately grabbed his phone, deleted the account, and deleted Instagram.
I harboured feelings that he was cheating on me for months. asked multiple times with the response of “I would never” but anytime I asked about the account or why he deleted it right away, he said he was embarrassed.
My son was playing with his phone the other day when I noticed he had TikTok - which I assumed he was now using for porn instead of Instagram. I went against my better judgment and opened it to a bunch of suggested posts including trans women.
i talked to him that evening, not mentioning the TikTok but saying how not understanding why he had this Instagram account/deleted it right away/seemed afraid to talk about it made me feel like he was cheating. I have never been anti porn more just thrown off the secrecy. He then admitted he watches weird porn since getting bored over time, sometimes it’s lesbian porn, sometimes anal, sometimes trans. I actually felt relieved by the honesty.
But since then I just get this sense he’s telling white lies, hiding from me, forcing intimacy. I brought up the possibility of a PA twice with him denying both times.
An I overreacting and he just is more discrete about his porn use? Or does this sound like PA?
Our sex life is fine. We have sex regularly, always the same way, and he doesn’t want to try new things.