Anyone else here put in charge of managing other people's emotions in childhood?
I grew up in a dysfunctional home and was kinda put in charge of my other family members' emotional well-being at a really young age. I mostly raised my little sister, so any time she was sad or scared that was something I felt I needed to fix. My dad was really enmeshed with me and is sorta psychologically stunted himself, so whether or not he was "okay" was up to me as well. If my mom yelled at him he came to me, if a coworker upset him he came to me, and if I did something he didn't like he'd basically throw a tantrum. My mom had a crazy temper and would snap and throw stuff/hit/yell and it scared my little sister a lot, so I'd step in and either fight back or sorta steer her/herd her away from the more sensitive ones in the house.
Anyway. All that led me to being someone who feels responsible for other people way too much, especially emotionally (as in, if someone I care about is depressed or super anxious it feels like it's "my problem to fix"). But the thing is I kinda suck at emotions. I don't like them, don't like having them or when people bring them around me too much. They've always just felt like something for me to solve, a cue for what to do. Teach my little sister how to handle the big tough thing, let my dad tell me about his day and then start an activity that'll cheer him up, talk back to my mom when she's in a mood so she'll throw her useless little fit at me and leave everyone else alone, etc. I know it gives the illusion that I'm emotionally intelligent, but really I just have a lot of practice managing volatility. I'm not in touch with my own feelings, other than "happy" or "mad", and I don't really know how to be.
Anyone else?