u/h4444444444

To preface this, I’d appreciate and I prioritize answers/feedback from the Black community as it pertains to black hair. I also want to ensure that I, as a nonBlackPOC, am not being unknowingly anti-Black.

My (29F, Latina) husband (31M, Black) have been together going on 10 years and he started growing his hair out in the last 6ish years. I started learning to do his hair maybe 3 years back. He still had a braider lady, but I would attempt some braids and watch her do them so that I can learn how to do it on my own. I have only done his hair all by myself, without her, maybe 4 times, all 4 times have been in the last year. And not to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty decent for a beginner- no where near professional, but decent nonetheless. My husband says he would rate my braids a 7 to a Black braiders eye, an 8 to a Black non-braiders eye, and a 9 to nonblack people, lol.

So what’s the problem? My husband is verrrrrry particular, I’m such a newbie, and every time I finish braiding we end up in an argument. I listen to every single thing he tells me to do because it’s his hair and I want to respect it as much as possible, so I listen, even if it contradicts every braiding video I watch. And I watch alottttt. I take learning very seriously as we just had a son and I want to be good at his hair as well.

So the things he’s particular about- he wants little to no gel while still wanting it to look very slick. Every video I watch, they use a generous amount of gel to achieve that slick look, especially on 4C hair. It also helps, from what I understand, to make the braids tighter. That leads me to the next point- he wants them super tight, understandably so… but again, I’m a beginner and have only done it 4 times, and I think he thinks I should be as good as the women who have been doing hair for basically their whole life. He will show me a video (that I’ve likely already seen) and will say to do it like that. And when I explain that that is what I’m doing, I just need more practice to be better, he gets super upset and takes it offensively. The braiding session always ends in him talking about how frizzy the roots look and that he wants the braids tighter. I try to explain that he needs to adjust his expectations of me if he wants me to continue doing his hair. Either that, or go to a braider and get me a mannequin so that I can practice more often. He was upset but agreed.

Well, his hair is due to be redone and he asked yesterday morning if I could do it this weekend to which I replied “I thought you were finding someone else to do it until I can get a mannequin and practice more?” He just said ok but has been super distant and weird with me ever since.

I’m just conflicted because I want to do his hair and keep practicing, but he puts so much pressure on me to get it right immediately, and with minimal gel, which I think is a lot of my problem. But I feel like I can’t demand to put more gel when it’s his hair and I don’t have black hair myself to be making those demands. We also can’t afford the time for me to just practice on his head all the time- we have a 2 month old and my husband has to go to work often. But he also hasn’t bought me a mannequin and I’m a stay at home mom so I can’t buy it myself. *editing for context*: the way I worded that sounds wrong. I have the ~power~ to buy a mannequin, but our husband just started this job when our baby was born and all extra expenses have gone to the baby so we’re just finding our footing financially.

Black users of Reddit, AIO for not wanting to do his hair anymore? Not indefinitely but until I can uphold his expectations?