u/halflife_k

I always have back & forths with my mom not in a bad way but it becomes annoying sometimes. This weekend I travelled to the village, passed by my maternal grandfather(was not planned) and now I've to go see my paternal grandmother(she's the reason I even make this trip once or twice a year). She 93 and for such people, they could go any day. My mom added an extra task - to go visit my elder bro in rehab. Me & him don't talk, he'll end up abusing me after nimekataa kumpea pesa for his a thousand ideas and lies.

To give you some context, I'm probably the most successful grandkid on both my mothers & fathers families. I'm not rich but I'm comfortable enough. This is a big privilege & I like it but it also comes with stupid expectations that I always argue with my mom about. My maternal grandma passed last year. I've supported them(mom's parents) mostly medically and the usual send something when they asked. My paternal grandma never asks for anything, she's made peace with her life & just waiting for her day. All she asks for is visit her sometimes. She's 93.

The issue is with the expectations my mom always asks of me. I told her I'll check on my bro, the man who'll abuse me every time we have a conversation. I've paid his medical bills b4 and helped him until nikachoka. I'm not a doctor/therapist or mental specialist so the expectation that I go sit and listen to his doctors etc is not on my list. We've done this rehab thing about 4 times now and I made peace with the fact that it's not my responsibility to fix him. I'll visit him, some chipo kuku, talk to him a bit but not another round of mental jibba jabba from another psychologist. Mom wants me to have some sort of session with his doctors etc.

Back to maternal side. My mom wants me to buy duvets & sijui what clothes & shoppings when I go to see my granddad and she insists that's what's expected of me. This man has his own kids , has other grandkids but somehow it's always me. My mom is the 2nd born & first daughter & she brings up that fact; that it's our(my to be specific) responsibility for blessings. And she'll follow up with ulipeleka nini, ulimuachia pesa ngapi etc etc. Niko like mom, I'm in my 30s, you don't have to follow up every detail of what I bought & who I visited.

She talked to me about not talking to my siblings which I do occasionally. If you were in boarding school from as early as class 3 or 4, you probably know the struggles with family connection. Since age 7, I've never been with my siblings for more than a month at any time. We're of the same blood & parents but siezi force connection haiko. When they call, I respond, I'll pay their fee, support them etc but beyond that, we don't have that close family bond.

My mom's expectations are not a deal breaker or something to make me resent her but they're just annoying & naggy - she's a copy of her late mom. She's been a great mom all my life & will always be.

My dad on the other side totally has zero expectations; by this I mean, he's not into my business at all ati sijui nunulia nani nini etc probably because he sees how I handle business and he trusts my judgement. He only calls when necessary and I drop by occasionally to just hang & talk.