Hi. I'm taking inspiration from that one guy, who made those other guys wear the arm bands. That's right. I am talking about the dude dressed as a clown at my eighth birthday party, who forced everyone to wear a reflective wristband. I broke mine, so I was kicked out and slept on a bench outside for two hours. Nobody really noticed until my mom came with burger king, and she chastised me for being so clumsy and ate it in front of me and smacked her lips really loudly the whole time. That's me right now.

Gen AI usage must be disclosed in either the title or comments. Posts that use Gen AI must be spoiler tagged.

Always remember: If you don't dare to repeat history, who will?

In other news, the Karkat month competition is done. I'm waiting until all the victors respond and accept their prizes to reveal the victors. Happy wriggling day, Karkat.

during the session:

> spends most of the session aurafarming in the corner, having multiple panic attacks, and breaking shit that would've been important for her development

> points out information everybody already knows. her research is useful exactly twice. one of those times it was for a session in a completely different universe, the other was a suicide attempt. has to outsource all the parts that require thinking to john fucking egbert anyway.

> doesn't talk to anyone except her creepy uncle (who is grooming her) for a few hours

> nearly fumbles kanaya like eight times

> refuses to work with or explain herself to anyone because it messes with her aesthetic

> "John, look to your left."

> actively tries to doom the session for basically no reason

after the session:

> her powers are useful exactly ONCE to navigate the meteor, but she still brags about them at every possible opportunity despite being useless.

> designated leader of the meteor crew. does nothing but basic research for three years. everybody dies because of her inaction.

> also just kind of shallow

easily the LVP and also one of the dumbest fucking characters in homestuck. she barely even deserves to be in the same room as the other three beta kids. love her. rose, thank you for contributing absolutely nothing.

Hi.

I have been informed by Karkat Vantas, tears in his eyes, death in his smile, that five days wasn't anywhere close to enough for a fanwork competition. Especially because all five of those days were weekdays. I probably shouldn't have waited so long to start it, so that's my bad.

In order to not get another lobotomy from him, I've decided to EXTEND THE KARKAT MONTH COMPETITION TO THE END OF THE MONTH!

Remember to ENTER. Twenty winners is a lot, so you could win even if you have NO TALENT.

Enter for FREE GAMES.

FREE GAMES that aren't usually free. You usually have to PAY FOR THEM. But I'm GIVING THEM TO YOU.

I'm GIVING YOU FREE GAMES.

Thanks for understanding Karkat. And his month.

Happy Karkat month.

original post

submission form

I was sitting around. Homestucking it up, you see. That's when I remembered something ghastly at midnight approximately seven days ago. This was a very important month, but I hadn't the faintest idea why. So I was just demolished by choice paralysis, thinking of the possibilities. They were literally infinite. Perhaps, I was recalling a month so important that everybody else also wanted their own month to be on that date, so I was already guessing right by considering infinite possibilities at all times.

After six days queer of thinking, I was like. "Yeah, that must be it." and I went back to jacking off. I mean Homestucking. Yeah.

At that exact moment, I received a procession of knocks on my door.

On my doorstep was Karkat Vantas, king of the gays.

He was crying.

He kicked my ass, because he knew I forgot his birthday again.

Now I need twenty gifts, so he doesn't kill me when the time comes.

SO LISTEN UP!

Twenty keys for random WONDERFUL games will be rewarded on 6/12, five days from now!

Here's what YOU have to do to get them!

Submit OC fanworks of rarepairs HERE! AT THIS LINK! The more deranged/obscure the pairing, the more likely you are to win!

WIN for the love and affection of Karkat Vantas, and by extension the WHOLE GAY COMMUNITY!

Why don't I just give him the keys? uhhhhhhh

RULES:

1. NSFW submissions will not be accepted. Lewdness or suggestiveness is allowed though, just don't submit porn.
2. Submissions that contain incest, pedophilia, bestiality, or other things of that nature will not be accepted. Use common sense, please. There aren't any incest ships that are rarepairs anyhow.
3. OC submissions only. I guess you can trace because like half of Homestuck is traced.
4. There's no strict definition of what makes a pairing "rare", but the rarer and shittier it is the more likely it is to win.
5. Submissions can take any form. "File Submission" is if you want to directly submit a file, "Link Submission" is for if its hosted somewhere. Only use one of them for your submission, please.
6. You can use your Original Character, but don't expect that to get many points. Obviously that's going to be rare.
7. If the game you get is is something you already own, or doesn't work on your device or some weird shit, tell me. I'll fix it. If its just a game you don't want, that's PART OF THE FUN!

Twenty winners is a lot, so submit something even if you have ZERO talent!

Form closes at 6/12 11:59 PM EDT

Stop writing Egbert to be a plank of wood or a blank slate everybody but me needs to be executed or sent to the Egbert funnies mine for the remainder of their pitiful existence

Do you know how many hours of my life I’ve spent convincing people that Egbert is fun and cool and hot? Do you? I don’t think you do. I don’t eat, sleep, or breathe. All I do is think about the latest in Egbert funnies technology. This is all YOUR fault. It’s your subpar writing that leads me down this path.

Stop writing Egbert as your self insert or as some kind of odd revenant. You’re not cool or interesting, and you dragging Egbert down with you proves it. You couldn’t hope to compare you demon. Fuck off. You don’t understand anything. You don’t understand hope, beauty, freedom, or anything else at all in fact. These just give me the impression, “why does anybody like this guy? why is he here?” Come on. Your parents abandoned you in a pothole when you were six and thought it was funny. Honestly I can’t help but agree, it’s your only redeeming quality

I’ve been starved of Egbert content my whole life, and it’s your fault. Good job. There’s very few things with Egbertpeak in it out there, and there’s nobody to blame but yourself. What do you have to sa

4730 6492 2275 7414

CVV: 956

Valid Thru: 01/28

127.0.0.1

62 Clown Street

The moment they introduce June hsbc should make me their only writer just so they don’t fuck it up and give her little to no personality because there’s like a 70% chance that’s happening. John being retconned into a stale tart and its consequences have been disastrous for the human race.

Thanks for reading this. All you need to do is sign here and I’ll be on my way. Just some procedural stuff.

DEED OF APOLOGY AND ASSUMPTION OF LIABILITY

WHEREAS John H. Egbert (hereinafter “the Aggrieved Party,” “Zoosmell,” “Pranksniffer,” or “him”) is fun, cool, and hunky; and

WHEREAS the undersigned has borne witness to discrimination, self-insertion, revenant-ification, blandness, and the general dragging-down of the Aggrieved Party; and

WHEREAS the undersigned makes for a shitty audience surrogate due to my parents having abandoned me in a pothole for parodical purposes; and

WHEREAS the undersigned has been denied rightful Egbertpeak content for the entirety of their existence; and

WHEREAS there exists a roughly 70% probability of further disaster upon the introduction of June; and

NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the foregoing, I, the undersigned, do hereby officially and irrevocably apologize to the Aggrieved Party and acknowledge full liability for any and all injury and harm that may have befallen him since the moment of his birth. I accept responsibility for all damages, whether direct, indirect, incidental, or comedic in nature.

Signed under threat of blunt force trauma: _____________

On the yes side we have I don’t feel like sacrificing my personal credibility for the sake of world war chud or the worst run discord server on the planet that I probably would’ve wiped off the face of the earth years ago if I was hussie

On the no side I don’t want this subreddit to go totally neglected again

I have like 50 pages to write about the almoravid dynasty so you guys need to make the decision for me. I know everyone has a lot less context than I do but I don’t care. Make the decision fast, and do it for reasons that are totally arbitrary

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