Head is spinning. Need some advice...
Some context: Late 40s and married for 20+ years with two kids. Both of us work full time. We have always had a good relationship. We agree on the big stuff and seldom fight. I will agree that our relationship has not been the most passionate (more on that in a bit), but we haven't suffered any significant bumps over the course of the marriage.
I knew my wife was going through premenopause and that she had gone to her Dr about hormone therapy. The other night as I was cooking dinner, she hits me with "I've been in therapy for two weeks and I feel like we're just roommates and I'd like to do marriage counseling". I think she's right about all of this but it still knocked me sideways. In a nutshell, her complaints about me are that I am not very affectionate. I get that, but I am the primary "doer" in the house. I do all the cooking and grocery shopping, I pack the kids lunches, deal with school matters, do most of the picking up around the house, and 100% of the house / yard maintenance. When the kids have a question or want something, they come to me. They will walk right passed her and walk all the way out to the garage to ask me. I am the point person. My wife spends most of her free time reading. When she's not working or doing something for herself (running, personal trainer, etc---none of which I begrudge her at all) she's in her chair reading. A bomb could go off and she wouldn't know it.
Shes right that I'm awkward about giving affection but I'm more of an "acts of service" type of guy. I make things for her (I'm a woodworker / carver) and, like I said, I cook every night of the week. It's easy to get resentful when I'm cooking and dealing with the kids and I look over at her in her chair, completely oblivious. I'm trying not to the the suggestion of therapy personally but it's difficult to take criticism (even when it's fair and warranted) when I feel she's the one who has retreated and distanced herself (not just from me but from the kids too).
I've done a lot of reading about mid-life relationships and I know that a lot of this is normal and, hopefully, between the hormones, the kids getting older and the therapy we'll come out the other side stronger and healthier. Still I've been thinking about all of this nonstop for the last 24 hrs and I'd like to hear what you guys think. Thanks.