u/haylstorm222

on someone who doesn’t see my value. who takes advantage of me. who thinks i’m always wrong and that im the narcissist. as i’m being called a bitch a whore a slut. there’s holes in our wall, now blood all over the floor, and staples in my head. and even after i’m dripping blood everywhere im still the whore bitch slut.

i wasted my potential. i wasted my energy. i lost weight. i lost a happy self image. i lost my smile. i lost seeing my parents often. i lost time with my friends. i lost too many hours of sleep.

i know i’ve made mistakes, probably drunk ones that i don’t remember. and then comments that he interpreted completely wrong and now they’re “mistakes” i have to live with throughout our relationship (if that makes sense).

i wish i listened to my mom. i feel like im giving up on the love of my life. i feel like im giving up on the person i love more than myself. and maybe thats the problem.

I hope i have the strength to get through today. maybe today will be my last day enduring this.

but the problem is that when it’s good, it’s so good. and then when it’s bad it’s terrible, and he complains about being good and loving.

it’s a lose lose situation.

it never gets better. and my head cracking open is the last thing i thought would happen. it didn’t stop bleeding until two hours later when i got staples.

i have a 1 year lease and ofc if there’s damage like this in the house i won’t get the security deposit back. the lease is in my name. he’s never punched or done anything to the walls. he accidentally opened the door hard in anger and i truly truly do believe this person can do better.

he comes from two addict parents as a biracial child with unaccepting grandparents and great grandparents (by that i meant definitely racist). we’ve had a lot of problems in the past couple weeks but he’s been saying it’s not my fault multiple times.

all of this is so hard. i walk on eggshells left and right and my phone is always monitored along with everything else i say and do (this post will be deleted by saturday. i work a double tmrw so anything commented between that time will be seen!!) i love him so much and i really do believe this person can do better but he’s a product of his environment just like his sister.

PLEASE don’t tell me to leave i will know when it’s time but right now I won’t.

i just need help fixing this and im thanking a god i don’t believe in that the wall is not me. he literally said the same. please pray for us. i say this and im not religious.

please give me advice fixing this!! any support helps bc NO ONE in my circle knows about this. i just need anything. im so alone. my parents support both of us bc i don’t tell them anything. thank you so much.