Is it wrong to ask my husband to look at less porn?
Backstory my husband and I have been together 13 years and married 5. We just had our first baby late last year. I’m 29F he’s 32M.
My husband has what I know is a porn addiction. Everyday, multiple times a day looking at porn or pornographic subreddits. I’m 5 months postpartum and really struggling with body image.
I didn’t gain almost any weight during pregnancy (8 pounds and baby was 7lbs 4oz) but I’ve always been a bit of a bigger woman imo. I’ve been around 150-180 since 2017 due to hip surgery and being immobile during that recovery period. Before that I was a 00-2 in pant size, running everyday and generally carefully watching my weight (due to having a WW mom) That being said I always thought I looked good and I believed my husband did too even when I moved to a size 10 in 6 months during recovery. He always complimented my body and looks great even at my biggest weight.
Before our baby, we had what I thought was a great sex life. At least once a week if not 3-4 times. I had an extremely stressful job of being a GM of a multi million dollar restaurant and still had the drive to want to have sex. I know he looked at porn then because we had opposite schedules. I was also working 70-80 hours a week. So I get why he wanted to get a release for himself.
Recently I’ve been struggling with what he’s looking at porn wise. I know every woman throughout her life struggles with body image issues. But the fact he’s looking at women that are 00-2 sizes really has hurt my confidence. I’m not that size. I haven’t been for literally almost a decade.
I’ve talked to him about how much porn he’s looking at and it’s always “you’re beautiful” and “I’m not looking at porn thinking of those women, I think of you” which I feel is absolutely not true.
We haven’t had sex in almost a month. My libido is lower than his, and has always been that way. But come on. He’s not initiating and I feel burnt out from trying when I feel the mood. Even through my pregnancy I was initiating.
It’s never been so much of a dead bedroom. I know having a baby is hard but part of me wonders if watching so much porn isn’t causing disinterest on his part. My corded hitachi and I feel more intimate that my freaking husband. I’m so tired of initiating and not getting off.
Can anyone give me advice? I’m not trying to sound spineless about putting my foot down on watching porn entirely because I know that I’m not in the mood as much as he is. Also I don’t view porn as cheating or stepping out like some women do. I might be wrong for that, I just need advice. I’m so tired of feeling like it’s a chore for me to initiate. I want to feel wanted and adored. So any advice is greatly appreciated and welcomed!