u/helloimabbi

I’m a little annoyed. Last weekend my nanny child had a fever and a runny nose, but his mom didn’t tell me he was sick until I arrived at work on Monday. At that point, she let me know he wouldn’t be going to school, so I’d be staying home with him all day.
On Tuesday, he tested positive for strep throat. Unsurprisingly, I ended up getting sick too. I was really looking forward to my three-day Fourth of July weekend to rest and enjoy my time off, but instead I’ve spent it sick. To make matters worse, I had to pay nearly $150 for an urgent care visit.

I’m looking for some advice from other nannies because I’m feeling completely overwhelmed and emotionally drained.

I was hired 2 years ago as a nanny, and my responsibilities were originally child focused. Over time, a lot of things I did occasionally just to be helpful have slowly become expected parts of my job.

What started as loading the dishwasher turned into putting away all the dishes. Picking up after the kids turned into cleaning up after the entire family. If NF and NM leave a mess in the kitchen, it’s often expected that I clean it up. I grocery shop, cook, run errands, make returns, ship packages, and act as a personal shopper when they need things purchased.

I also transport the children to multiple activities and appointments. It has gotten to the point where I’m expected to take them to doctor’s appointments because Mom doesn’t want to clear her schedule. Washing the kids’ clothes has now turned into ironing them because “there isn’t time on the weekends.”

On top of that, the behavioral challenges have been exhausting. One of the NKs was very difficult when I first started hitting, being disrespectful to adults, refusing to listen. While that has improved somewhat, the youngest has become increasingly aggressive. I get slapped, spit on, hit, and screamed at on a regular basis. I do my best to stay calm and professional, but it’s taking a toll on me emotionally.

I feel like my role has slowly evolved from nanny to nanny, family assistant, personal assistant, house manager, personal shopper, chauffeur, and behavior specialist, all without any real discussion about changing responsibilities or compensation.

I genuinely care about these children and have invested a lot into this family, which is why this is so hard. But lately, I find myself emotionally exhausted and questioning whether I can keep doing this long term.

For those who have been in a similar situation, what did you do? How did you address the growing responsibilities and difficult behaviors? How do you know when it’s time to set firmer boundaries versus when it’s time to move on?

I could really use some advice because right now I feel stuck and emotionally worn down.

I would really appreciate some perspective on a situation I’m struggling with.

I’ve been with my nanny family for a while, and there have been several issues that have made me question whether this is the right fit. One thing in particular has been bothering me, and I’m not sure how to address it professionally.

The child is currently potty training. On multiple occasions, if the child has an accident after my work hours or over the weekend, the soiled underwear is left for me to clean up when I return the next day or on Monday. I’ve also come in several times to find the child still in a heavily soiled diaper or wet pajamas from earlier.

I’m having a hard time understanding whether this is something others have experienced, because I personally can’t imagine leaving those types of messes for someone else to handle later.

For both parents and nannies: How would you approach a conversation about this? Is this something you would consider a reasonable concern, and how would you set boundaries while maintaining a professional relationship?